Heroin
by xabbyatthedisco
Summary: Jeff HardyxOC, Matt HardyxOC, ShannonX?
1. Bone Palace Ballet

"Shannon, you're a bitch."

My brother turned around in his seat, his mouth gaping wide, "Jess, I'm appalled you would say such a thing."

I rolled my eyes and punched his arm. He winced and cupped his elbow in his hand.

"Don't be such a bitch, we're hooking you up, tonight." Matt said from the drivers seat. His long, curly, black hair was rustling in the wind from Shannon's cracked window.

"What?" I asked, worried. The last time they 'hooked' me up, they literally 'hooked' me up. I found myself 10 feet in the air, hanging from bungee cords.

"Trust me, babe." Matt said.

I crossed my arms and stared out the window.

I've put up with these boys since I can remember. To put it simply I'll kill them, first chance I get.

"Guys?" I said quietly. Matt and Shannon ignored me and continued talking.

"You fuckers in the front seat, I need you to take me back to work. I just remembered I was supposed to work today."

Shannon rolled his eyes, "It's my goddamn shop, and I'm the fucking boss. If I say you don't have to work you don't have to work."

"Yes I do, and you have to work today too. Remember, you're supposed to finish Jeff's work."

"This is exactly why you're the manager and I'm the artist." He said then made Matt turn the car around.

* * *

The door dinged open as Shannon pushed the door open.

Ryan ran from the back, "Shan' what the fuck are you doing back here?!" He yelled.

I sat down at the front desk and settled in.

"Jess reminded me I had some work to complete." He said then went to his station.

A customer wandered in, his rainbow hair caught my eye, I'd known him for most of my life. He's Matt's little brother, of three years. He's usually hanging out around with Shan'.

"Hey Jess." Jeff said.

"Are you here to finish your sweet tat's?" I joked.

He smiled, "Sure am."

His smile was contagious, "Good luck, I hated it when I got the inside of my arm tattooed."

"Maybe you'll have to hold my hand." He said then winked.

I rolled my eyes.

The hardy's were infamous for their relationships. They often stole girls from their boyfriends, in some cases husbands, broke hearts like no tomorrow and as my mom told me 'Never date a Hardy'.

I walked Jeff back to Shannon's station then returned to my desk. I propped my feet up on the nearest chair and pulled my AP magazine from my bag.

A couple hours passed and I was fighting sleep.

"Jess get in here!" Shannon yelled. I threw my magazine down and ran to where he was. My heart pounded in my chest.

"What?!" I asked, worried.

Jeff held his arm up, proudly.

"Check it out."

I ran my fingers across the colored skin, goose bumps ran up Jeff's arm and I smirked.

"Looks nice."

"No thanks to you miss lazy bum." Shannon said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Fuck you."

Jeff laughed, "Hey, are you guys coming to Matt's party tonight?"

"Shannon is, I think. But I'm staying at home. I have to dye my hair again." I said as I played with a strand of hair.

"Oh sweet, if you need some help give me a call. I'm a pro." He said.

"I can tell."

Shannon made a gagging noise.


	2. I Will Run To You

Ah, Wal-mart, who doesn't love Wal-mart? The mart to end all marts. But then there was the actual amount of decision required in picking a hair color.

In honor of my latest success: manager of Gas Chamber. I picked a vibrant color. Burgundy.

I put the box of hair dye down on the counter and stared at it. This is a supposed to be a one-man job, but Shannon always helped me.

I took a deep breath and pulled the box open.

I followed the instructions.

I mixed everything I was instructed to mix, I poured the mixture over my hair and began waiting. 45 minutes.

I threw the box in the trash and pulled the bag out of the trash can. I tied the top together and took it to the garage. I put it in the big outside garbage cans for Shannon to take to the curb tomorrow morning. We have a good system.

Shannon left for Matt's party about an hour ago so I had the house to myself. I sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. Leno was on. That man is funny.

Then…out of nowhere… b **nowhere /b **my scalp started burning. Furiously.

I freaked out and ran into the bathroom to look for the box. Then remembered I'd just thrown it away.

_"I have to dye my hair again."_

"_Oh sweet, if you need some help give me a call. I'm like a u __pro __." _

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the cordless phone. I dialed Jeff's number frantically.

It rang a few times before he answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey…uh…sorry to bother you but I need some help." I stumbled over my words. I'm not one to depend on others but when it comes to my hair…I'll do anything.

"Okay, sit tight, I'll be over in a few minutes." He said.

"Thank you, so much."

"No problem, bye."

"Bye," I said then hung up.

I put the phone down and went into the bathroom. The skin around my hair was turning a light shade of pink.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door.

I ran into the living room and to the door. I pulled it open and Jeff was standing there, his hair falling on his shoulders and he needed to shave. Even though I'd grew up with him and Matt holding me down and farting on me he was strangely sexy.

"I came to the resc--" He stopped mid-sentence.

"What? Do I have something in my teeth?" I asked.

"No, you're teeth are fine. We have to get this out of your hair. Right now." He said then slammed the door, grabbed my hand and dragged me into the bathroom.

He pointed towards the shower, "Get in."

"…what!"

"Sit down in the tub," He laughed.

"Oh." I climbed in and sat down. He put the attachment on the showerhead that let Shannon wash his dog and started rinsing my hair.

"You're allergic to this brand."

"Oh…I didn't know. Dude! Is my hair gonna be okay!"

He laughed, "Yeah, we just have to go buy you some hypo-allergenic dye." he ran his hands down my hair and across my neck causing me to shiver.

"H-hand me a towel," I said, my teeth chattering.

He reached his hand out, I took it and he pulled me up then wrapped a towel around my shoulders.

"I need to put some different clothes on."

"Yeah…I think you do." He said, glancing down at my chest.

White shirts and water do not mix.

My face turned a million shades of red, I wrapped the towel around my chest.

"I cant leave, I'm soaking wet. There's carpet…"

"I'll get you something, hold on." He said then left.

I sat on the edge of the tub, I feel like an ass. Really, I feel stupid.

Jeff came back in, holding a oversized red t-shirt that read 'Hulkamania' on the front and a pair of shorts.

"Here, get dressed and I'll take you into town and we'll buy some dye. You'll look even prettier…if that's possible." He said

I blushed, "Thanks, now leave." I laughed. He smiled and left the room, closing the door behind him.

I pulled the shirt over my head, and put the shorts on. I looked like a mess, I washed my face and brushed my hair.

My tattoo's were colorful compared to the white t-shirt I was wearing, my hair was a light shade of purple and the black basketball shorts I wore covered the tattoo's on my legs. But it's okay. Everyone in town's gonna be at Matt's tonight, I wont run into anyone.

Jeff knocked on the door, "Are you ready? The car's running, we better go."

I opened the door, Jeff tried to hold back a laugh.

"Shut up." I laughed.

"It's not **that **bad." He said as he followed me to the garage.

"Not **that **bad? I look like fucking…I don't know but it's bad."

He laughed, "No worries, I'll fix you right up."

"I hope so."

_I won't cross these streets till you hold my hand._


	3. Is Your Voice Dead To Me?

It's been a week since that fateful day, I haven't went a day without talking to Jeff. Seems like he's a lot more than that little boy that made my life a living a hell.

"…So that's when I slapped him." I said, completing my story.

"He's an asshole for doing that."

"Yeah…I'd like to kill him right now, but it's not really that easy."

" **I'll **kick his ass."

"No…you don't need to." I said, smiling. Shannon scoffed from the back room.

"Shan' are you okay back there?" Jeff yelled. He'd made himself comfortable on top of my desk.

"I fucking guess." Shannon yelled angrily.

I rolled my eyes, "I'll be right back."

I got up and walked into the back room, I closed the door behind me. Shannon turned his back to me, he picked up a box of ink. He dropped it angrily and turned around, his hands on his hips, like our mom used to do.

"What the fuck is your problem?!"

"Problem?!" He gasped, his eye twitched a little causing me to give him a weird look, "Oh no, I don't have a problem, my little sister is just banging the biggest man-whore around!" He said before picking up a box.

"What! **I am not **banging him!"

"Mhm, sure, Jess, don't think I'm stupid. I see the way you look at him…the way he looks at you. He's always around and you two flirt constantly." He said sadly, like it was the end of his world.

"I don't see why you're so worried. Wait, do you really think he looks at me like that?"

He sighed, "You like him…I don't want you to have anything to do with him."

"What?!" The last thing a girl wants to hear is that she can't see someone she likes. It's like…telling a cow they cant be milked…okay, awkward comparison.

"You heard me, now…get out of my sight." He said then opened the door, pushed me out, and quickly slammed the door behind me.

"Fuck you, Shannon!" I yelled, fighting tears so hard that Jeff shot me a concerned look.

"Let's go." I sighed as I walked behind my desk. I grabbed my backpack and the keys to Shannon's hummer.

I pressed the button on they keychain that unlocked the doors, the headlight's flashed. I opened the drivers-side door, threw my back pack in the back and climbed up into the vehicle.

"What happened in there?" Jeff asked, he was already sitting in the passengers seat.

"Shannon's an asshole. We got in a fight," I said as I put the key into the ignition. We sat there for a minute in silence.

"He is an ass sometimes…"

"Sometimes?"

"Come on, Jess, don't make me talk bad about my best friend."

I smiled, "Okay."

I started up the vehicle and backed out of the parking lot.

"Let's go swimming," Jeff suggested.

"Uh…I'm not going to that shitty place you, Matt and Shannon drag me to all the time."

He laughed, "No, this one only me and Matt know about…Shannon might know. I don't think he does."


	4. Stop It!

I stood on the side of the pond, my toes barely in the water.

"Come on in, the water's great." Jeff said as he treaded the deep water.

"That's usually what they say right before the giant shark jumps out and eats someone." I said nervously.

Jeff laughed, "Nothing will get you. I promise." He said as he held his hands up to help me in.

I put my hands in his, "If I get hurt you're gonna be my slave until I'm healed. Physically, mentally and emotionally."

"Okay, it's a deal." He said then pulled me in. I plunged under the cold water. I came up gasping for air.

"Son-of-a-bitch! It's f-f-fucking cold." My teeth chattered in my mouth.

"Come here." Jeff said as he pulled me into his arms.

This moment was so awkward it felt like I was going to turn inside out. One half of me was screaming: you know how he is and the other half was the part of me that wrapped my arms around his middle. Like a reflex.

We stayed like that in the water until we saw headlights scan the horizon. My stomach flipped and my grip on Jeff tightened.

"Let's go." He said then lifted himself onto the bank. He pulled me up and sat there for a minute.

The vehicle turned off and I heard two door open then slam closed.

Shannon's voice filled the air, "I'm gonna fucking kill your brother man."

"Calm down, dude. They're probably not even here," Matt said.

Shannon scoffed, "Like hell they aren't. My goddamn hummer is parked beside the road."

I grabbed Jeff's hand and ran into the woods. I ran until I couldn't hear Matt and Shannon anymore.

"What the hell did you do that for?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my semi-wet hair. I leaned against a tree, the bark scraped against my back.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well I'm glad we're here. Or I wouldn't have the chance to do this," He said before putting his hand on the back of my neck and kissing me softly.

We pulled away, he leaned his forehead against mine and sighed.

"I like you."

I smiled, "I aim to please."

He laughed, which was a 'sound for sore ears'. He always seems like he's in a daze, he'll say something funny and everyone else laughs and he sits there.

"You make me laugh, Jess." He said, his forehead still against mine. I put my hands on his cheeks and he smiled making them move with his cheeks.

"I'm glad. I like making people happy…it's my kind of _heroin_."

"**You're my kind of heroin**." He said then kissed me one last time.

I smiled and bit my lip.

"Let's go. I think they're gone, Shannon's throwing a party tonight so…" He trailed off as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"We can sneak in my room and watch movies." I said smiling innocently.

"You're gonna make me watch some chic-flick aren't you?" He said as he laced his fingers with mine.

"Not unless you'll give in easily."

He smiled again.

"I don't."

"Okay, we'll watch…something. Maybe metalocalypse…you never know." I said as we walked back to the hummer.

---

"Okay, I'm going in the front door, you go wait at my bedroom window and I'll let you in when I get there." I instructed.

"Covert, got it." He smiled. He kissed me softly then ducked around the corner of the house.

I opened the front door, kicked my shoes off, hung the keys up on the hook and the very second I turned around my eyes met Shannon's.

"Where the hell were you?" He asked.

"I went out to eat." Blatant lie.

Shannon put his hands on his hips, "Bullshit."

"Shannon, you know me. I can't resist a good burrito. On my way to taking Jeff home I stopped and got me a cheesy bean and rice burrito." I said as I stood there watching the Matt jump off the couch onto Adam and Ryan, taking them to the floor.

"Okay. I believe you." He said then patted my back.

"I'm gonna go watch metalocalypse, 'night bubby." I said then gave him a hug. He patted my back then kissed my cheek.

"I'm only trying to look out for you." He whispered.

"I know." I said then let go. I pushed my way through people and into my bedroom. I opened the door then quickly closed and locked it behind me.

I jogged to the window and quickly pulled it open. Jeff climbed in, his foot got caught and he grabbed my shoulder to steady himself.

"Jesus Christ." He said.

I laughed, he looked at me and smiled.

"Shannon doesn't want me around you does he?" Jeff said, like he could read the expression on my face.

I frowned and shook my head no.

"It's okay." He said then kissed my forehead.

I smiled slightly.

"Now! Time for television!" I said as I searched around the room for my remote.

"Looking for this?" Jeff said holding up the silver remote.

"Yes!" I said then climbed across the bed. I held my hand out.

"What?"

"Give me the remote."

"The what?"

I sat down on my heels, "Can I have the remote?" I asked sweetly.

"That's an awful sweet voice but, I don't know. This looks like a pretty nice remote…" He said as he held the remote between his pointer finger and thumb.

"Can I please have it?"

He flashed me a smirk, "Come get it."

"Okay." I said then jumped off of the bed, Jeff caught me mid-air. My legs wrapped around his waist.

"That's one way…" He said then kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

As much as I'd like to say it went further than that it didn't…sadly. Jeff sat me down on the bed. I crawled to the side I sleep on every night and made myself comfortable. Jeff sat down next to me and put his arm over my shoulder.

_I wasn't prepared for what's to come._


	5. Sticks and Stones

You know those mornings when you wake up and you think 'how the hell can I top yesterday?' today was definitely one of those mornings.

First of all, it's Sunday-Training day.

I threw the blankets back and put my feet down on the cold carpet. I stumbled into the living room, Shannon was sitting on the couch in his boxers eating cereal.

"Mornin'." I mumbled.

"Hey," He said, his voice hoarse.

I laughed, "How much did you drink last night?"

"Too much." He said before turning the TV on.

"Get ready, we've got some noobs to train." I said as I grabbed an energy drink out of the refrigerator.

"Ah, come on, we can ditch today." Shannon whined.

"No we can't."

"You're usually the one that doesn't want to go, what the fuck is up with you?"

"Nothing, I'm just ready to go out. I haven't worked out all week, thanks to Gas Chamber. I want to go do something."

"Sure, you've got Ashley and Cassandra to train today. Have fun." Shannon said as he put his cereal bowl down on the coffee table.

"Ha-ha," I laughed sarcastically then disappeared into my room. I sat down on my bed and watched The Weather Channel as I drank my energy drink as quick as possible. I threw the can in the waste basket and burped loudly.

I took my pajama's off, put a pair of basketball shorts on and an oversized 'avenged sevenfold' shirt on.

Among the many loves Shannon and I share wrestling is one of them. Nerdy, I know. But it's an amazing release when you find yourself bouncing off ropes and flying through the air.

I pulled my burgundy hair into a small pony tail, put some extra clothes, retainers and deo into a duffel bag. I jogged out to the garage and put my bag in the backseat of the hummer. I quickly ran back inside, it's cold in the mornings.

Shannon came out of his room in a wife beater and shorts.

"Hey, bubby? Can you tape my wrists up?" I asked.

"Are they hurting you?" He asked as he went into his room to find his tape.

"Yeah, Just today. You know how they hurt when it gets cold."

Shannon nodded and pulled a roll of white tape out of his top dresser drawer.

"Sit down." He instructed.

I sat down on his bed and held my wrists out.

"Listen, I don't want to see you around Jeff today, hang around with Cassandra and Ashley." He said as he rolled the tape around my wrists. Shannon's not usually like this, he's usually laid back and more like a friend than a brother. But lately he's been uptight.

I rolled my eyes, but knew better than to start a fight with him.

---

Shannon parked the hummer beside Matt's camaro. I climbed out. Jeff was sitting at the picnic table with Cassandra and Ashley. He gave me a sly smile.

"Hey." I said as I walked over to them.

Shannon walked the opposite direction to Matt and the boys.

"Hey, Jess." Cassandra said then gave me a hug.

"Hey, you know how long it's been since you called me?" I asked.

Her face turned deep red.

"Too long, apparently." She mumbled under her breath.

"You got that right." I said then ruffled her hair. She ducked out of my reach, scrambling to fix her hair to it's previous state.

"Jess!" Shannon yelled from the other side of the ring. I blew out a big breath of air then turned around. Matt and Shannon looked way to happy.

"What?!" I answered, half waiting for something to fly from the air and turn me into a greasy spot on the ground.

"Steph's gonna be here today!" He said excitedly.

My heart skipped a beat and I gave him a confused look, "Our sister dumbass." He said in a tone that made me look like the stupidest mother fucker ever.

Matt's face was practically glowing. He has a thing for my sister, they used to date and she's head over heels in love with him. But Adam [Edge is her husband. I hate seeing what it does to both of them, and how Adam doesn't even know. There was always bad blood between them.

"Oh," I laughed.

Shannon smiled and went back to talking to Matt. I turned around to see Jeff laughing to himself.

"Hey chica!" Ashley said as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Hey! Have you been working with your upper body?" I asked.

She nodded furiously, her blond hair moving as she did so.

"Good."

"All trainee's to the ring." Shannon announced, causing Matt to snicker.

Cassandra and Ashley climbed into the ring, leaving me and Jeff alone. Awkward alone.

I sat down next to him and watched Matt and Shannon lecture the 'kids'.

I nudged Jeff's arm with mine, never breaking my gaze from the ring. He smirked and nudged me back.

"Can you come over tonight?" He whispered.

"I don't know. Steph might give me a ride. Other than that I don't know." I said sadly.

"If she wont, call me. And I'll pick you up."

I smiled, "Okay."

"They're not looking give me a kiss."

I glanced over at Shannon who was busy getting thrown into the turnbuckles.

"Okay." I said then quickly pressed my lips to his.

"Thank you." He said with a big smile on his face.

I laughed, "You're welcome."

"Sissy!" I heard a high pitched squeal from across the clearing. I looked over and saw my sister running towards me.

"Ahh!" I yelled then jumped up and ran to her.

She engulfed me in a hug.

"Aw, baby! I've missed you!" I said as I squeezed her.

"I've missed you too asshole. Stop, you're choking me." She said then pushed me away from her.

"Bitch!" I laughed.

"Bring it on." She smiled.

Jeff put his hand on my shoulder and stretched his hand out for my sister to shake.

"Steph," He greeted her like she was a stranger.

She looked at me, her eyes wide, "Jeff, " She said as she shook his hand.

They both broke out in a fit of laughter.

"I see your hair is another unnatural color. Always different huh?" Steph asked.

Jeff nodded, "I saved your little sister from a bald head recently."

Steph smiled and patted Jeff's back, "Someone always has to save her, she'll never be able to save herself."

"That's true," He said, glancing at me through the corner of his eye.

"Jess! Get your fat-ass in here!" Shannon yelled. I climbed onto the ring and stepped between the ropes.

"What?" I said flatly.

"We're gonna see if Ashley's been working on her upper body." Matt said, a hint of spite in his voice. I don't know why, I haven't done fuck to him _lately_.

"Sure! Bring it on!" I said.

"Sorry!" Ashley said then lifted me into the air, one hand at my crotch and the other at my chest. Her nails dug into my skin.

"Now, power slam her." Shannon instructed.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. She pulled her arms down then in a sudden burst of energy I went flying into the air, my back colliding against the ring floor.

My back arched in pain.

Shannon laughed. I got up and walked over.

"Is that funny to you? Getting your trainee's to fucking pound me into the ground? Well I fucking challenge you…to a duel!" I said then laughed.

Shannon didn't think it was funny, his jaw clenched, "And what might that be?"

"Let me test my Swanton's on you. See if I'm still as good as I was when I left."

Shannon swallowed hard, he knows how bad those hurt. He wouldn't dare back down, his friends are watching.

"You're on."

"Kay, get down there." I said as I pointed to a corner of the ring. He laid down on his stomach. I climbed up the turnbuckles. I squatted down on the top one then jumped off, twisting my body in mid-air, I landed my back on his stomach.

"Fuck!" He yelled. I laid on him for a minute, out of breath.

"Ah, fuck! Get off me!" He yelled. I laughed then rolled off.

"I take it I still haven't lost my edge."

Adam glanced over at me, "Did you say something about me?"

"No, you aren't in the ring. We call you Adam around here."

"Good, cause if you did, " he cleared his throat "I'd be forced to fuck you up."

I laughed, "Is that an offer? Cause I think I could take you."

We both laughed, knowing that was a flat out lie.


	6. Pretty People Never Lie

Ah, silence, after a day of hearing Matt and Shannon barking orders being alone in my room is like heaven on earth. Except, I have to share it with my sister and her husband.

I piled my overnight accessories duffel bag and threw sat it outside the window, for easy access. No way in hell I'm sleeping in here tonight.

"Shannon!" I yelled as I ran down the hallway, my short legs tripped over my pajama bottoms and I went stumbling, bumping my shoulders against the walls.

"Jesus Christ, woman! What do you want?" Shannon asked, he was sitting at the table next to Adam looking through a book of tattoo designs.

"Ooh, that one's pretty! I have it inside my arm!" I squealed as I pointed to the nautical star in the book then to the purple and black stars inside my arms.

"Really? I was thinking about that one." Adam said.

Shannon cleared his throat, signaling he wanted me to leave as quick as possible.

"Oh! Yeah! I'm gonna go spend the night with Cassandra and Ashley, Steph's gonna drive me." I said then left.

Shannon nodded then took a long drink of his beer. My brother is an alcoholic, officially.

I went into my room, grabbed the duffel bag from outside. My sister was walking out of my bathroom, her long brown hair was thrown back into a ponytail. Signaling she was ready for bed.

"Sissy, will you drive me somewhere?" I pleaded.

"Sure, let me get the keys from Adam. Meet you out front." She said then slipped her feet into a pair of flip-flops and left the room.

I grabbed the phone and dialed Jeff's number.

"Hello?" He answered.

"I'm leaving right now."

"Good, uh, do you need me to pick you up or something?" He asked sweetly.

I smiled, "No, I think Steph's gonna drive me."

"Good,"

"Well, I have to go. See ya in a few."

With that I hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed. The horn honked causing me to jump. I slung my duffel bag over my shoulder and ran out of the house. Steph was sitting in the drivers seat, an impatient look on her face.

I put my bag in the trunk then climbed into the passengers seat.

"It's about fucking time, slow poke." She said then started the car.

"Sorry. I had to make a call."

"To who?" She asked as she backed out of the driveway.

"Uh…" I hesitated.

"What's the 'uh…' for?"

I smiled, "No reason."

"It's a boy isn't it?"

"I guess you could call him that." My smart ass side took over.

She laughed, "You're going to Jeff's right?"

My face turned a thousand shades of red, "How did you know!"

"You told Shannon you were going to Cassandra's and you hate going to her house."

I smiled, "Yeah…"

"Good, I know how to get there."

"Dude, do not, I repeat do not let Shannon know." I said, using my hands to emphasize do not.

She gave me a stupid look, "You think I want Adam to know I even went to Matt's house?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right."

"Kay, now shut up. Let's listen to music, " She said then pushed a CD in. 'Go Getter' came pouring out the speakers.

Soon we were pulling into Matt Hardy's driveway. He has a nice brick house. Butterflies rose in my stomach.

"Come pick me up at like, three tomorrow, bye!" I said then got out and closed the door behind me.

"Okay," she said then winked at me. I rolled my eyes.

I got my bag out of the back and met Jeff on the porch. He took my bag from me, grabbed my hand and led me into the house.

"Is Matt home?" I whispered.

Jeff looked back at me, "Yeah, he saw Steph pull up and took off. I dont look for him to be back soon."

I smiled, "Good."

"I hope you don't mind but I thought it would be great just to sit up in my room and play music, watch movies and just hang out. All that good shit."

"Sounds good to me…"

---

"Touch me and die!" I laughed hysterically as I ran through the yard, football tucked safely under my arm.

"What!" Jeff said then put his hands on my hips and pulled me backwards.

"Stop! I'm about to win!" I said as I squirmed under his grip.

"Be still, woman," He said causing me to laugh then be still.

"Okay," I threw the football down and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"You smell good." He said softly.

"Correction-Britney Spears smells good. I'm wearing her perfume."

He laughed, "Let's go swimming again."

"You're half fish aren't you?"

He looked down at me, a huge smile on his face, "No I'm not, but Matt has a hot-tub."

"Hum, doesn't that seem a little 'cheap porn' to you?"

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter."

I made a face that was shock in it's purest form, "You just admitted you watched porn."

"So…"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I just thought the one and only Jeff Hardy would never resort to porn."

He smiled, "As flattering as that is, honestly, I haven't got laid in a few months."

"That makes me feel better."

"Good, now can we get where it's warm or are we gonna stand here in the cold all night?"

"Fine, fine, let's go inside."

"Thank god!" He said relieved.

I removed my arms from his neck and he laced his fingers with mine.

The weirdest thing about this situation was, I trusted him. Weird, I know. But though all the things I've heard sound about right, there's this thing, in the pit of my stomach, that makes me blush when he talks to me, makes my hunger disappear, and makes me weak at my knees. There's always something about being in love that turns my faith into the negatives.

Jeff threw the cover off of the square hot-tub and steam rolled out.

"I always get in here when I get home from being on the road, cause my back kills me."

I smiled softly, "I'm sorry."

He kissed my cheek and whispered, "It's okay."

I pulled my shirt off to reveal a sports bra then slid my shorts off. Jeff was already in the hot tub.

"Is it warm?" I asked as I stood over the edge.

"Of course, are you like scared of water or something?" He mocked, a grin playing on his lips.

"No!" I said a little quicker than necessary.

He laughed, "Just get in."


	7. Chorus of Angels

I slowly opened my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face. Mornings, fuck 'em. I pulled the blankets back up to my neck and tried to roll over. Didn't work. I sat up and glanced beside me.

Matt's dog Lucas was curled up next to me.

"Good Morning, Lucas. Where's your uncle?" I asked him, he just looked up at me with big brown eyes.

I laughed then patted his head. I threw the blankets back and stood up.

I wandered down the stairs, Jeff was laying on the couch asleep. He let me have his bed last night and he took the couch.

I tip-toed to the couch and put my hand on his chest. He sighed in his sleep but didn't wake up. I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Ugh, leave me alone." He groaned then rolled onto his stomach.

I laughed, "Wake up."

"No." He said, his voice muffled by the couch.

"Yes."

"Make me some food."

"What kind?"

"Uhhh…the kinds you eat."

I laughed, "Okay."

I went into the kitchen, I opened the freezer and found a box of Eggo's. So I made waffles. I can't cook…a lot.

I took the waffles to him, he was sitting Indian style with a blanket wrapped around him.

"Thank you." He said then reached for the waffles.

"Your welcome." I handed the plate to him. He took the plate from me and picked a waffle up with his bare hands and took a bite.

I sat down next to Jeff and he wrapped his spare arm around my shoulders. I sighed and leaned against his side.

The front door flew open and Matt came stumbling in. I went to leave but Jeff stopped me.

Adam stepped through the doorway, his blonde hair wet with sweat.

"What the fuck were you doing with my wife?" Adam growled angrily as he towered over Matt.

Matt just grinned.

Adam reached down and wrapped his hand around Matt's throat. Matt's eyes grew big and he tried to pry Adam's hands from his throat.

"Adam you should let go." Jeff spoke up, he removed his arm from my shoulder and clenched his fists.

"Like **fuck** I should."

"Please," I chimed in.

Adam looked over at me and released Matt, he pointed his finger at me. Never, before in my life had I felt more intimidated than at this moment.

"You, you're a whore _**just like your sister**_." He said, his voice low and angry.

Adam stormed out of the house, Matt stood up from the floor holding his throat.

"Where's Steph?" I asked worriedly.

Matt shook his head, "She left when Adam came."

"Was she okay?" I stood up, Jeff stood up too.

"She's fine. I think she went home. You know how Shannon is over you girls, nothing will happen to her…By the way, what the hell are you doing in my house?" He asked, his hair was sticking out in every direction.

"Uh…"

Jeff patted my back, "She came over to check on me. I was feeling a sick last night."

Matt rolled his eyes, "You guys sicken me."

I smiled.

"You know I should go check on her." I whispered, so Matt couldn't hear.

"Come on." Jeff said then grabbed my hand and led me upstairs.

--

I began piling my clothes and things into my bag.

"Here," Jeff said, he handed me one of his shirts.

I smiled, "What's that for?"

"Well…I don't know. I just wanted you to have something of mine. And I'll take something of yours."

"That's cute Mr. Hardy. But what of mine could you want?"

He reached in my duffel bag and pulled out the shirt I had on last night.

"This."

I laughed, "Why? It's not like you can wear it."

He smiled, "I know that smarty, but it smells like you."

I blushed.

I put the last CD in my bag and zipped it up. Jeff wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his forehead against mine.

"I was thinking this morning, how much I needed someone like you. You're sweet and you make me happy when no one else can." He whispered.

I faked shock, "Are you asking me out?!"

"Yeah." He replied timidly.

"I'd like that." I whispered before I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled him down to me.

"I'm glad." He said whispered before he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

There was a loud knock at the door and Matt burst through, "Who made waffles…ohh…uh, wow this is awkward." He said then backed out and closed the door.

I let go of Jeff and laughed.

"Sorry, he's like a little kid." Jeff apologized. I should know by now.


	8. I'm lost without you

I walked home that day, rather than risk anything.

I actually dreaded it, Shannon's gonna shit in his pants, Steph's gonna be a wreck and I'm gonna get yelled at.

I sighed heavily before I wrapped my hand around the door knob and heaved the oak door open. I heard Shannon's menacing voice from inside. Everything in me wanted to run back to Jeff's house.

_Standing on the edge, battling my head, I'm dying to know. If I take this leap to fail or succeed…_

I took a deep breath stepped into the house. I almost expected Shannon to come flying at me, his hands scrambling for my throat in a desperate attempt to cut off my oxygen supply.

It was completely different.

Shannon was sitting on the couch, his arms wrapped around Steph. She was sobbing into his chest.

I put my duffel bag down and kicked my shoes off.

"I just…It's like I never left. I just missed him so bad…" Steph cried. I sat down on the other side of her and pulled the hair away from her face.

"It's okay. I never really liked Adam anyway." I lied. I liked Adam, we went to concerts all the time.

"Yes you did." She sniffled then laughed.

"I know, but I like Matt better." I said, smiling.

"Me too." Shannon chimed in happily.

What do you say to someone in this situation? Nothing I can say can make it better right now. All I can do is make her smile and hope it puts her heart back together.

Shannon patted her back.

"You want to go stay with Matt?" He asked. She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears and nodded slowly.

--

Shannon piled our bags into the trunk, for some reason he decided we needed to stay with Matt tonight. I have to admit, I was excited. But nervous for some reason.

I gripped my pillow and stared out the window.

Shannon pulled my door open, "Got everything?"

I nodded, he closed my door then climbed into the drivers seat.

He sped to Matt's house, I think Shannon was scared of meeting Adam. I don't know why. Adam wont do anything. He's a pussy.

Shannon parked and quickly ushered me and Stephanie onto the porch, he glanced around, paranoid, then knocked hastily on the door.

Matt slung the door open, when he saw Steph he immediately wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his chest, it was a sweet sight. To be honest, Adam used to jerk her around like she was his pack mule.

Matt led Steph inside, they disappeared into his room, Shannon jerked me inside and slammed the front door.

Jeff came jogging down the stairs. I smiled when I saw him.

He cocked his head to the side, "What are you doing here?"

"I don't fucking want Adam to kill us." Shannon said then sat down on the couch out of breath like he'd ran a mile.

Jeff laughed, he looked at me and smiled, "You're safe here."

I blushed, Shannon stood up and put his arm around my shoulder, he sighed, "What are we doing tonight little sister?"

"Nothing, I'm ready to go to bed. Cassandra kept me up all night with Dave this and Dave that. I'm so sick of fucking hearing about _Dave_." I sighed angrily, like it really happened. Jeff smirked as he leaned against the wall. He knew I was lying.

"I don't care where you sleep, but I'm not listening to you." Shannon said then left the room. Where he went, the world may never know or care.

I sat down on the couch and crossed my legs, Jeff sat down next to me and turned the TV on.

"What shall we watch?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Doesn't really matter."


	9. In My Dreams

I sat down at the computer and logged in on msn, Jeff lay on the bed flipping through the channels. It's about three in the morning and Shannon, Matt and Steph are downstairs drinking.

I concentrated on reading my offline's, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, one around my waist and the other under my leg then lift me into the air.

"Put me down!" I half laughed, half squealed as Jeff lifted me into the air and spun me around.

He laughed then sat me down.

"Come watch TV with me." He requested.

"B-but I'm online…" I whined.

"It's okay." He mumbled then kissed my neck.

Chills ran up my spine causing me to shiver. I sighed and signed out of msn then turned the computer off. I rolled the chair next to the bed then crawled over next to Jeff.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

Honestly, I have no idea what draws me to him. He dresses weird, he has a weird personality. But he's charming as hell, sweet and he knows how to sweep a girl off her feet. Not to mention, he always smells good.

I yawned, causing Jeff to laugh.

"Are you sleepy?" He asked as he brushed the hair away from my face.

I nodded.

"Are you sleeping with me tonight?"

I nodded again.

"Shannon won't say anything, he's probably passed out right now." I said then stood up. I opened the door, just enough to squeeze my thin frame through. I cautiously walked down the stairs, careful to avoid a drunken encounter with Shannon.

I snatched my duffel bag, and ran upstairs, and into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and rested my back against the door, it felt like I'd just ran a marathon.

I pulled my white t-shirt off, dug an aqua camisole out of my duffel bag then slipped it over my head. I replaced my jeans with a pair of basketball shorts.

The bathroom window squeaked open and a tall muscular figure slipped through the window and crashed onto the floor. I backed against the door, with my hand wrapped around the door knob. I turned my back to the man and attempted to pull the door open but he grabbed my shoulder causing me to freeze in my steps.

"Nice to see you again, Jessica." A smooth male voice echoed through my ear drums. I cringed in fear.

I never spoke, but bit my tongue rather than scream.

"Where's your sister?" He asked.

I raised my shoulders in 'innocence'.

"Don't give me that bullshit!" He yelled as he pushed me forward causing my face to collide with the door. I grabbed my face with one hand and pulled desperately at the knob with the other.

The door swung open and I ran headfirst into a [Ifamiliar[/I body.

"What the fuck?!" Jeff asked angrily as he stepped in front of me. Creating a wall between me and Adam.

Adam clenched his fists, "Where the hell is Stephanie?"

"Downstairs," Jeff said. Adam stepped forward but Jeff pushed him backwards. Adam went staggering into the wall.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" Adam yelled as he tried to escape.

"You fucking put your hands on my girl." Jeff yelled.

"Hey man, I never touched her."

"She's bleeding from her mouth and nose. What did she just decide to bang her face into the wall?"

Adam's mouth curled into a evil grin, "She _is_ crazy."

"What the fuck is going on up there?!" Shannon yelled from downstairs.

Adam's gaze locked on me.

"Jess?" Shannon asked again. He's the one person I know will protect me no matter what. I glanced at Jeff who was holding Adam against the wall with everything he has, then at the stairs.

I darted down the stairs. Loud banging and thumps sounded out the second I turned my back to them.

I ran into Shannon's arms, I always said I wouldn't cry in front of anyone. I never have.

"What's wrong, baby girl?" He asked sweetly.

I just hid in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, in that second I knew nothing could touch me.

_I'll find peace in afterlife._


	10. Smashed Into Pieces

Shannon looked down at me, his jaw dropped when he saw the blood on my face.

I sniffled and wiped the blood from my nose.

"What the fuck happened?!" Shannon yelled. Shortly after Adam came rolling down the stairs.

"Jesus Christ!" Jeff yelled as he ran after Adam. Jeff pulled Adam up by the back of his shirt.

Matt jogged into the room, "What's going on?"

He laid eyes on Adam and his fists clenched. Just to add to the drama Steph walked in, she wrapped her arms around Matt from behind.

Adam lunged at Steph, Shannon pushed me away and grabbed him by the back of his shirt, Jeff had his arms around Adam's middle. Matt put his hands on Adam's chest and pushed him backwards, knocking Steph 'out of the line of fire' in the process. But Adam continued to pull them across the room.

Steph darted into Matt's room, slamming the door behind her.

Matt and Adam started swinging fists, Shannon and Jeff tried desperately to pull them apart. But their attempts failed.

The stumbled around the room, knocking lamps over, pictures off the wall. Matt freed himself of Adam's grip. He took a deep breath and lowered his shoulder. He pummeled Adam, sending him flying against the front door. Blood came pouring out his nose and mouth. I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the phone and dialed 911.

--

I stared at the ceiling. I know almost every inch of this house but this room was a mystery to me.

Jeff sighed in his sleep and wrapped his arms around my waist. I smiled closed my eyes, sleep was but a wink away.

Last night was one hell of a night, I think that's pretty much needless to say.

The police were called, Adam was escorted to the hospital. Matt's in jail overnight and Shannon's making me press charges to put Adam in jail. Shannon slept with Steph to make sure she's okay.

"Morning," Jeff mumbled against my bare shoulder.

I smiled, "Good morning, sugar bean!"

He laughed gently.

The phone rang and Jeff rolled onto his back and swung his arm over the bed. He felt around for the phone and eventually found it, pressed the talk button and held it to his ear.

He spoke for a minute then hung up.

I sat up and crossed my legs Indian style.

"We have go to get Matt, "

"Now?"

He nodded, "But not before-" He reached over and connected his lips to mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pushed me back, onto the bed.

I ran my hands down to his chest and pushed him away.

He looked down at me confused, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I don't want to move that fast. Everything will get boring." I ran my hand down his cheek.

He smiled, "Okay, this will be new for me."

He kissed my forehead and rolled off of me.

I sat up and fixed my shirt. Jeff was sitting on the corner of the bed pulling his shoes on.

"Are we going in what we're wearing?" I asked as I climbed off of the bed.

He stood up and looked me up and down, "I'm wearing this, but you should change. I don't want every man in that jail looking at my woman."

He kissed my cheek and smacked my butt. My face turned red as I walked to the bathroom.

I quickly changed and met Jeff outside the door. He laced his fingers with mine and led me down the stairs and to the garage. He opened my door for me, I sat down and swung my legs inside. Jeff closed the door then got in on his side.

--

Walking into the jail was like walking into hell. It smelled like death, I had random men whistling at me and Jeff was going into ultimate protector mode, meaning he was getting pissed.

I smiled and leaned against Jeff's shoulder.

"I need to pick up my brother Matt Hardy, " Jeff said to the officer standing at the front desk. He rolled his eyes, grabbed a pair of keys and strutted off to the back.

Minutes later a very harassed/pissed looking Matt stumbled into the room.

Matt sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.

Jeff signed some paper, they gave Matt his wallet and we left.

"Okay, I've got a question." I said as we walked into the parking lot.

Matt huffed, "What?"

"Did someone pour cocaine in your hair?" I asked as I patted his hair causing white dust to fly everywhere.

"No," He replied, "It's the de-lousing shit they threw on me. It was like…all peaceful then BAM! A big could of white. Scared the fuck out of me."

I laughed, "Okay. I know you don't have lice. Now I can give you hugs."

He slapped my arm playfully.


	11. Kiss Me, I'm Contagious

Jeff backed the dirt bike out of the trailer that we hitched to the truck this morning. Matt parked his truck beside ours. Steph, Shannon and Matt climbed out.

"Hey!" I said excitedly as I ran to my sister and hugged her. It's been a week since I'd seen either one of my siblings. I've been with Jeff the entire time. It was almost awkward to be away from him, for even a second.

Steph flashed me a sly smile.

I laughed and patted her back.

"Here chica's place your delicate selves on the tailgate." Matt joked, well he was probably calling my sister delicate, doubtfully he referred to me as such a thing.

But I smiled and took it like a compliment.

I put my hands on the tailgate and went to lift myself up, but Jeff rushed over and lifted me up.

"Thank you," I said bashfully.

He smiled and nodded his head then went back to fooling with the dirt bikes.

Steph leaned her shoulder against mine as she watched every move Matt made. Something she's never been one to do.

Shannon followed Matt and Jeff to the dirt course they made from countless weekends of four wheeling.

Jeff rode for a while then got off to let Shannon ride. He glanced back at me and smiled. Shannon scoffed and slapped him in the chest.

"I'll be right back." I hopped off the tailgate, grabbed three bottles of beer, and a bottle of water then walked through the loose sandy dirt to where Jeff was standing.

"Thanks baby." He said as he took a beer from my hand and kissed me softly.

I beamed, "You're welcome."

The sun was beaming down, causing me to squint my eyes.

"Is it to bright over here?" Jeff asked.

I nodded.

"Here, " He pulled a pair of big white sunglasses out of his pocket.

I pushed them over my eyes and onto my ears. I smiled goofily causing him to laugh.

_We'll melt away just who we are. Always searching for you._

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

Shannon glared at me causing me to flip him off. Right now, I honestly don't give a fuck if he sees us or not.


	12. Foreclosure of a Dream

_Sometimes life can leave you blind, but still you try to cover all the lies and ignore all the signs._

"That's right folks, it's Valentines day, who's your special person this year?"

The talk show host's annoying voice echoed through my head. I groaned and rolled over, pinning a pillow over my head.

I felt around beneath the blankets for the remote, I found it and aimlessly changed the channel. Sleep chased me down and soon I was back in the divine world of dreaming.

There was a light knock at the door.

"No!" I groaned, my voice muffled by the pillow.

The door opened slowly and Shannon walked in, his Mohawk was gelled into the air. I pulled the pillow back and gave him a confused look.

He smiled, "It's three in the afternoon, I know you're tired, cause we stayed out late last night, but you need to wake up."

"No." I said sternly then clamped the pillow over my head again.

The bed shifted as Shannon sat down, "Come on, you have to get ready. I'm dropping you off at Jeff's."

I pulled the pillow back, just enough for me to see him.

"What?"

Shannon sighed, "I know you're probably pissed at me still, for how I've been acting. It's stupid for me to try to control you. You're 19 years old, you can do what you want. So everyone else is going out to dinner but Jeff wanted to spend Valentine's day alone with you."

I smiled shyly.

He smacked my butt through the blanket, "So get up and get ready, I'm taking you up there in an hour."

"Are you serious?"

Shannon laughed, "She speaks!"

I slapped his leg then pushed the blankets back. I swung my legs over top of Shannon and onto the floor then sat up.

"I love you, brother." I said as I hugged him tightly.

He patted my arm, "I love you too, hulk."

I laughed, "Thank you."

Shannon nodded then left the room. I stood up, ran my fingers through my hair and went into the bathroom.

--

I looked myself up and down in the mirror, purple skinny jeans, a baggy black shirt and ballet flats.

Shannon knocked at the door, "Ready?"

"Of course, "

Shannon grabbed my tote and walked out of the room. I turned the light switch off and followed him through the house and into the garage.

I opened the passengers side door and climbed into the hummer. I'm a short little girl, at about 5' 5". It's pretty much needless to say that everyone else is about a foot taller than me.

Shannon handed me my bag and started the vehicle. He reached for the gear shift but hesitated before he pulled it into drive. He glanced at me and sighed.

"Listen, if you need me at all, for anything just call. I'll have my phone on."

I smiled, he's being caring in a caring way not in a 'if you do that I'll kill you' fashion.

"Okay, " I agreed then pushed the Atreyu cd into the cd player.

Shannon gave himself a proud smile as he pulled the gearshift into drive and pulled out of the driveway.

_Does it all simply end in a blanket of darkness._

Ah, once again I find myself at the hardy house. It's becoming my second home.

I jumped out of the hummer with my bag over my shoulder. It looked like rain outside. Raining on Valentines day?

"Bye, bubby!" I said as I waved bye to him.

He stuck his head out the window, "Hey! Tell Jeff to come out here."

I gave him a weird look, "Uh, sure."

I jogged up the steps and onto the porch.

Jeff was waiting at the door. He put his hands on my hips and kissed me softly.

"Hm, I see you're spending the night once again." He smiled.

"It's valentines day, I'm not spending it alone." I said as I walked into the house

He laughed softly then went to close the door.

"Oh, hey, uh…Shannon wants you to come out there. I think he wants to tell you something, or something." I said as I put my bag down next to the door.

He raised an eyebrow, "Okay, I'll be right back then."

Jeff ran outside.

"Hey Jess." Matt said. He looked down at his horrible attempt at tying a tie.

I laughed, "Do you need some help?"

He nodded.

"Come over here,"

He took his tie off and walked to me.

"It's really easy, " I retied his tie.

"Thank you!" He said excitedly then hugged me.

I laughed and patted his back.

"Why are you all fancy?" I said as I sat down on the couch.

"I'm taking Stephanie out tonight. Somewhere nice, Shannon told her we were going to the bar. He's a cheap ass. But, I've got to go, the reservation is at eight and it's gonna take her an hour to get ready when she finds out where we're going. Tell Jeff I said: 'wrap your whacker before you attack her'."

I laughed and slapped his arm playfully, "I think he'd have to do something real fucking sweet before that would happen."

Matt clicked his tongue and inhaled sharply, "I think…my prediction will come true."

"Bye, Matt." I said as I ruffled his hair.

"Do not, under any circumstances mess up the 'do. Took me an hour to get this perfect."

I laughed.


	13. Pray for Plagues

"You suck," I said as I crossed my legs.

He smiled, "No, you suck."

"No, I don't think I do. I was the one who just kicked your ass at guitar hero."

A smirk rose on his face and he climbed onto all fours. I smiled.

"No, you suck."

"No." I said as I watched him crawl towards me.

"Yes."

"No, baby. You suck." I said, by now he was inches from me. He put his hands on my wrists and pinned me onto the couch.

"Who sucks now?" He said, his hot breath tickled my neck.

"You."

I ran my hands up his sides.

He looked down at me, I could stare at his face for the rest of my days.

"I have to go back on the road tomorrow." He said as he brushed a few stray hairs out of my face.

I frowned, "Why?"

He laughed and shook his head, "I guess this is what you get when you date a wrestler. We're always on the road, well, most of the time."

"I don't want you to leave." I fought back tears. Which is stupid, we've only been dating for not even a month. I shouldn't be this attached.

"I don't want to leave either, " He sat up before finishing his sentence, "But if you want you can come."

The last time I went on the road with Shannon, he left me at a gas station. I had no way of calling him and I waited for hours…so I had to hitchhike to an airport, fly to North Carolina then fucking hitchhike home.

"I don't…know?"

He smiled then kissed my forehead.

"It's okay, you'll have Steph."

"I don't want her, I want you and Matt and Shan'." I said as a tear fell down my cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb.

"Okay, how about this, once a week I'll fly out here spend the night with you then fly to the next stop. And you'll fly to one of the house shows, every week."

I smiled, "That's stupid."

He laughed, "You're just being mean today."

"No, it just doesn't make sense. We're gonna end up spending all our money on plane tickets and I'm trying to save up to buy a house for myself…" I said as I sat up and tangled my fingers in my hair.

"Then come with me!"

I sighed, "I really want to."

"Then do it. Jess, the only thing stopping you is yourself."

"I'll think about it."

He smiled from ear to ear, "Okay."

"I'm sleepy," I said as I yawned.

"Wait! You can't sleep yet." Jeff said as he glanced around the room for something.

I furrowed my eye brows, "What?"

He blushed, "I have you a present,"

My eyes grew big and I swallowed hard, "What?"

He jumped up and ran upstairs. I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly.

A few doors opened then closed.

"Close your eyes!" Jeff yelled from the top of the stairs.

I put my hands over my eyes.

"Okay, open 'em."

I pulled my hands away to see Jeff standing in front of me holding a rectangular object wrapped in red paper with a big blue bow on it.

I looked up at him, "What is it?!"

He smiled, "Open it and see!"

I took the gift from him and tore the paper open.

It was a framed drawing of our first kiss in the forest. His hand was on the back of my neck, just like before. I almost cried.

"Do you like it?" He asked, his eyes were so unsure yet eager to please.

I laid the picture on the couch next to me then stood up. I wrapped my arms around him. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him gently.

"I love it."

He ran his hands up and down my back, "I love you."

For the first time in my life, when someone said they loved me my first instinct was to say it back without a second thought, and that's what I did.

"I love you too."


	14. This Is Love, This Is War

Two days alone and I can already feel my world crumbling. They all left, Shannon, Matt, Steph, and Jeff. Hell, even Shane, whom I've never even spoke to left. I'd even talk to him right now.

I stared at the ceiling just thinking.

I finally threw the blankets back and rolled out of the bed.

Lucas came into the room, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. I smiled and picked him up. Matt 'hired' me to baby-sit him. Since Lucas is like his son.

"Hey, Lucas." I said as I ruffled his fur.

I sat him down on the bed then wandered into the bathroom. I took my pajama's off and climbed into the shower, the hot water calmed me more than anything else. The clear doors quickly clouded from the hot water.

Being alone for two days, no social contact is killing me.

The bathroom door swung open, Ryan walked in.

He glanced at the shower stall, his eyes became wide, "Jess!" He said, shocked.

I covered my self with my arms, "Ryan! Get the fuck out of here!"

He covered his eyes and ran out of the room.

I turned the water off, dried off and pulled Jeff's shirt over my head then put my pajama pants on. I wandered into the living room. Ryan was sitting on the counter top, his face blood red.

"What did you want?" I asked as I went to the refrigerator and got a diet coke. I felt his eyes on me the entire time.

"I was looking for Shan' but I can see he's gone." The lust in his eyes made my stomach turn.

"Yeah, he's not here right now." I said before opening the can.

Ryan put his hand on my arm, I tensed and moved away from him, "Oh, uh, Can you come by the shop today?"

"I took two weeks off and Shannon said I didn't have to go back until he came back." I said, becoming super uncomfortable.

"Well, I need some help around the shop. The new guy can't do jack-shit." He said, stepping closer to me.

I swallowed hard, I really just want him out of my house, "I might be there after **Jeff **calls."

Ryan gulped, "Sure."

"You can leave now,"

He looked me up and down, "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

I backed away from him.

"I mean 'cause it looks like a lonely girl like you needs someone to keep her company."

"Ryan, just leave."

"C'mon." He pleaded, stepping dangerously close to me.

I bumped into the wall, "Ryan, leave right now."

He huffed angrily then stormed out of the house, cursing me the entire way.

--

I put the pizza in the over and closed the door. I hopped up on the counter. My cell phone, the house phone, and every other phone we had was sitting beside me.

Fifteen minutes passed, with me just kicking my feet and staring at my pizza.

The phone rang, I immediately grabbed it. I answered on the first ring.

"Hey baby!" I said excitedly.

"Baby?" Matt asked. My face turned red.

"I thought it was going to be Jeff." I tried not to sound disappointed.

"Nope, just me."

"Can I talk to Jeff?" I asked quickly.

"No. How's Lucas?" Matt snapped, I smiled. He needs to have some kids.

"Fine and Dandy, he's asleep in my bed right now."

"That's my boy, here's Jeff. That's all I wanted."

My heart skipped a beat, "Hey Baby," Jeff's sweet voice echoed through the phone.

I smiled, "Hey sweets,"

"What were you doin' earlier? I called."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I called about half an hour ago, and no one answered. It's okay, what's new?"

I yawned, "Nothing, Ryan came over and he gave me the creeps really bad."

Jeff's tone immediately turned to anger, "What did he do? Jess, if he did something to you I'll kill him."

I could hear Shannon in the background, yelling.

"He told me he needed me at the shop, which is bullshit because Shannon said he didn't want me there without him around."

"Is he gone now?"

"Yeah, but I had to force him to leave."

"Please come out with me, I'll talk Vince into letting you be my manager. So you don't have to stay at home by yourself. I'm worried, " He pleaded.

"What about Lucas?"

"Lucas," Jeff started but was cut off by Matt yelling, "Send Lucas to Dad's."

"I will, but I swear to god if I get left…"

I could hear the smile in Jeff's voice, "You wont be forgotten."


	15. Smile In Your Sleep

"Me and Matt are engaged," Steph said, she glowed.

"Stop it, you're being stupid." I said as I paced back and forth in the gas station bathroom.

"No, I really love him." Steph said.

I threw my arms in the air, "You've been dating a month!" I yelled.

She held her finger over her mouth and shushed me.

"No, I will not shut up! I'm not putting up with this, Sissy." I snapped.

She sighed and stood up from her seat on the sink.

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Give me twenty bucks." She said, holding her hand out.

I pulled a wad of money out of my pocket and slapped it in her hand then stormed out of the bathroom.

Jeff was sitting on the curb, his knees pulled up to his chest. He jumped up when he saw me racing towards the car. I jumped in the front seat and slammed the door. He flashed me a weird look then got in the drivers seat.

He wrapped his hands around the steering wheel.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at the dashboard.

"Can I ask what's wrong?" He said, using gentle words.

"No," I snapped.

Steph and Matt appeared from the gas station, the got in the backseat. Jeff started the car and Shannon came running out of the gas station, holding a white grocery bag in his hand.

"You wouldn't leave me would you?" He asked out of breath.

"It would fucking serve you right for leaving me that one time." I said, spite took over.

I'm not a spiteful person, I swear I'm not. I hate it when I know I'm right. Steph does not need to be getting engaged to Matt right now. She's not even divorced from Adam, nor has she even spoken to him. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I don't even want to hear from her. I don't want to talk to her, look at her, anything. I know better and as much as I tell myself it's her life I know that she's messing up.

Jeff backed out of the parking lot and pulled back onto the interstate.

Matt reached forward and flipped the back of my ear. I turned around quickly and slapped his knee.

"Stop it, bitch." He snapped, angrily.

I rolled my eyes and turned around. Jeff reached over and put his hand on my knee. I sighed and put my hand on his.

--

The motel was halfway nice. We got two rooms. The girls in one and the boys in another. Trust me, I didn't like this idea.

Steph threw her duffel bag down on the bed.

I sighed and sat down, "I'm sorry…I really am. I just, don't like your decision."

"Well, It's my decision." She said.

I felt like crying, me and my sister are close. We never fight and it's bullshit that we get in a fight over this.

"I know, I shouldn't have acted like I did."

She nodded, "Yeah, but maybe you're right."

I smiled, "No, only you will know if I'm right or not. Do you love him?"

A smile crept on her face, she bit her lip and nodded her head yes.

"Then do what ever he asks but you have to get divorced first."

She ran her hands through her hair and let out an agitated sigh.

None of us want to deal with Adam, especially when he's angry. It's like talking to a two year old. Put me and him in a room when we're both angry and we'll explode.

"I'm gonna run next door," I said then opened the door to the adjoining room.

Shannon was sprawled out on one of the beds, his hands rested on his chest. Matt was probably in the shower, Jeff was sitting on the bed reading.

I quietly closed the door behind me. Jeff heard the door click shut and looked up at me. He smiled and put the book aside. He held his arms open.

I walked over and straddled his waist. He ran his hands up the back of my shirt.

"Let's sneak out tonight." I whispered as I ran my hands through his hair.

He nodded, "I'll meet you at midnight."

He pressed his lips to mine.

"Ew, guys! There's a fucking reason we got separate rooms! I don't want to see that!" Shannon yelled, his hands clamped tightly over his eyes.

I smiled, causing Jeff to kiss my teeth and that made me laugh even harder.

The bathroom door burst open and Matt jumped out, wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist.

"What'd I miss?!" He said excitedly.

"Ew, god." Shannon was rolling on his back like it had taken the very soul from his body.

I was still laughing.


	16. Starcrossed

The TV roared, in our room and next door. Steph's snoring could peel the paint off the walls, I threw the blankets back and swung my legs out of bed. I tip-toed around Steph's bed and quietly opened the door to the boy's room.

Jeff was sitting on the edge of his bed pulling his shoes on. Matt was asleep in his bed, his blankets only covering his legs. His feet stuck out and his snoring was loud and obnoxious. Stephanie and Matt were made for each other. They can live together and their horrid snoring will cancel each other out.

Shannon was sleeping in the other bed, his face buried in the pillows. I smiled at the sight. The only time those boys are innocent is when they're sleeping.

Jeff looked up and gave me a crooked smile.

There's something about him that makes me weak at the knees. Maybe it's the amount of charisma he possesses or the way he always finds a way to make me smile. But I like it.

Jeff stood up, he was in his pajamas, as was I. He laced his fingers with mine then we snuck out of the room, careful not to make a noise.

The air was quiet except for the humming of vehicles passing on the highway. We walked out to the pool. It was midnight and the full moon reflected in the pool water. Jeff sat down on a deck chair then pulled me down between his legs. I rested my back against his chest.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and sighed.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked quietly.

"Anything." I said as I ran my hands up and down his arms.

"What happened to your parents? Shan' wont even talk about it."

I took a deep breath, "When we were sixteen, well I was sixteen. Shannon was twenty-two and Steph was twenty three, our parents died. They drank themselves to death. We went countless Christmases, birthdays the whole ten yards, with out anything. They spent all our money on beer and drugs. That's why I don't drink but I think it's why Steph and Shan' do drink."

"Oh, I see."

"You don't have to feel bad for me or any of us. We're making it good now."

"I know, I didn't plan on it." He said before he kissed the back of my neck.

I shivered, "Good."

_A loud bang sounded through the house. I immediately turned around, tearing my gaze from the TV. Jeff snatched the remote out of my hand. He changed the channel from A Christmas Story._

_The front door swung open and my parents walked in. Dad had a carton of cigarettes under one arm and Mom had a 24 pack of beer in one hand and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth._

_Shannon's face was expressionless. He dropped the plate of cookies and it shattered into a million pieces, sending Christmas cookies flying across the floor._

_Steph came running out of her room, Matt close behind. _

"_Merry fucking Christmas kids." Dad said then threw the cigarettes at Shannon. His face __almost __lit up, until he remembered none of us smoke._

"_Dad?" Steph asked, he turned around. _

"_What baby?" He asked._

_She almost smiled, "None of us smoke."_

_He laughed, his laugh wasn't a 'Oh, I'm stupid!' laugh it was a 'You dumbass.' laugh. I swallowed hard._

"_You should start. Cause that's all you're getting." He said, Mom sat the beer down then they both left._

_Jeff patted my knee._

"That's why I don't drink. I don't want to end up like them."

Jeff sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I said and started towards the motel.

Shannon came running to the pool, Matt was close behind him.

"Next time you fucking fart on me, fatass, I'm gonna kill you!" Matt yelled.

Shannon just laughed, "You gotta fart, you gotta fart."


	17. Steal Your Pain Away

"What the hell are you putting on your face?" I asked Shannon.

"Stop talking to me, you're messing me up." He said, trying to barely open his mouth.

He ran the paintbrush down his face. I just laughed and hit his hand causing him to almost smear the face paint.

"You guys all have chicken legs." Steph said angrily, then crossed her arms over her chest like a two year old. Well, she is a spoiled rotten brat.

Matt walked in, a tall, tan, man with tattoo's covering his arms walked in behind him.

"…Why would you tell your girlfriend how to make grenades? That's like committing suicide." The unfamiliar man said, his lip ring glistened in the bright light.

Jeff finished tugging his boots on and sat down next to me on the bench. He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and I rested my head on his chest.

Steph shot Matt a hideous glare, he just smiled at her.

Matt cleared his throat and slapped a hearty hand on his friends shoulder, "Guys, this is Phil, otherwise known as CM Punk."

Shannon was the first to greet him, "I'm Shannon, these are my little sisters, Stephanie and Jessica." He said as he motioned to us in turn.

Phil smiled kindly at me, I returned the smile. Jeff stood up and reached his hand out for Phil to shake. He shook Jeff's hand.

"I'm Jeff, Matt's brother and Shannon's future brother-in-law." He introduced himself. Phil's gaze was still locked on me.

"Which one of these lucky ladies are yours?" Phil's charm made me blush.

Jeff didn't like it, Shannon didn't like Jeff saying we were getting married and Steph's royally pissed at Matt. Who really knows why? The tension in the air could have been sliced with a knife.

"Jessica, she's my girl." That look on Jeff's face was enough to erase every thought of Phil. I completely forgot he existed.

--------------------

_Your love's always been enough for me._

"Are we drinking tonight, or what?!" Jeff said, his arms held high in the air.

Everyone laughed, Matt patted Jeff's back and Steph was clinging onto Matt like a lost puppy. The crowd of people surrounded Matt and Jeff, celebrating their wins.

I felt a strong hand on my shoulder, "You going out with them?" Phil asked.

I shrugged, "I don't drink, so no."

He laughed, "I think you're dating the wrong man if you don't drink."

I just smiled and **tried** to let it go. Maybe the problem with me is that I listen to everyone. I can scream that I don't care at the top of my lungs but the bottom line is. I do. There's always that doubt, begging to pull me apart.

They all ushered out of the room, leaving me and Phil by ourselves.

I shrugged and piled their stuff into their duffel bags.

"Are you just going to stay by yourself?" Phil asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"You have a voice," He laughed.

"I know, I just don't understand why they just up and left without even telling me. That's my family, my boyfriend and my best friends, right there. Leaving me." Tears started to form in my eyes.

Phil patted my back, "Listen girl, you're welcome to come with me. I was just gonna bum a ride with you kind folks tomorrow anyways."

I laugh, "That sounds good to me."

Phil helped me pack everyone else's bags and carry them to the car. We picked a nice motel in the center of town so it would be easy for everyone to find us.

I threw the bags down on the floor and immediately kicked my shoes off.

"I better call them." I said, Phil nodded then disappeared into the bathroom.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Shannon's number.

"Yes ma'am." He answered using a thick southern accent.

"Where the fuck are you? Wait, I really don't care but I got us two rooms at the Knight's inn. Phil's here with me, I'm not alone."

I didn't even wait for a response, I simply ended the call.

I pulled my phone charger out of my bag and put my phone on charge. I pulled the blanket back and climbed underneath the blankets. No matter how many people slept in these sheets before me could change how tired I am.

The bathroom door opened and Phil walked in, his hair soaking wet.

'Going to sleep already?" He asked.

I pulled the blankets up to my chin and nodded my head yes.

"Well, goodnight. I'm gonna watch TV, do you mind?" He asked politely.

"I was actually hoping you would. I always sleep with the TV on."

He laughed, "Same here."


	18. I Miss You

The room was pitch black, I felt someone next to me. I swung my arm over and switched the lamp on.

Jeff was sleeping next to me, his hands placed on his chest. I got up and staggered into the bathroom, I turned the shower on and took my clothes off. I was about to step in the shower when the bathroom door swung open.

Phil stepped in, his eyes barely open, he looked up at me and his jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry," He said, shielding his eyes.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, "It's okay!"

He turned around and ran out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

---

"Everybody in?" Matt asked, he looked in the rearview mirror and made a face at Shannon, who immediately shot his middle finger into the air.

I'm sitting in the backseat between Shannon and Phil. Jeff put his back against the passenger's side window so he could watch me.

Shannon pulled his iPod out of his pocket.

I smiled slyly, "Shan'?"

"Huh?" He asked, his eyes glued to the small screen.

"Can I borrow your iPod?"

He looked up at me, "Hell no."

"Please?!"

"No." He said sternly then put the headphones in his ears and turned away from me.

Phil patted my knee, "You can use mine."

He handed me his black iPod.

"Thanks!" I said then excitedly took it from me.

Jeff frowned, he almost looked disappointed. He turned around in his seat, Matt wrapped one arm around Steph's shoulder and used the other to drive.

I'm trying so hard not to be mad at them, they're my only friends, the only thing I have. But they left me last night, without saying shit about where they were going.

I put the headphones in my ears, Phil looked so alone. I smiled and tapped his knee, "Listen with me."

I pulled one out of my ear and handed it to him. He smiled and put the headphone in.

_Hello there, angel from my nightmare…we could live like Jack and Sally._

I fell asleep. When I woke up we were at the venue.

"Wake up kiddies!" Matt said excitedly. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I stretched.

Phil laughed at me and poked me.

"Ohhh!" I groaned as I grabbed my stomach.

Jeff huffed and got out of the car. He quickly disappeared out of sight.

Phil unbuckled his seatbelt climbed out of the car, he held the door open for me.

"Thank you kind sir." I laughed.

He smiled and bowed, "Anytime…You should go check on your man. I think he's mad."

"He probably is…well I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay."

We went our separate ways, I ran in the direction I saw him go.

"Jeff?!" I called.

"What?" He answered flatly. I walked around the corner, he was sitting on a table, his feet swinging back and forth.

I lifted myself onto the table beside him.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked.

He sighed, "Nothing."

"What time did you guys get in last night?" I tried to break the awkward silence.

"Doesn't matter." He mumbled under his breath.

I sighed and nudged my shoulder against his, "I missed you last night."

His stern frown cracked into a smile, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

He turned and looked at me, "I missed you too."


	19. TNT

So the poem down there…in italics, that's really by Jeff. So back off. He's amazingly talented, in more than one way. Haha. Enjoy! I love you kiddies!

---

Beer, in the can form, bottles of wine, cocktails, vodka, whiskey and liquor. All these things, Shannon bought. All these things, Shannon, Jeff, Matt, Steph, (and about every other person they came in contact with) are drinking.

Guess who wasn't invited and who didn't go: Me.

They never spoke a word to me. Just left.

I sighed and leant my head against the bathtub and let the bubbles rise up to my neck.

Someone knocked on the door.

I rolled my eyes, "Come in."

Steph staggered in, tears rolled down her face.

"Oh god. Baby! What's wrong?!" I said, sitting up without showing anything.

She sat down Indian style next to the tub, "I miss Adam right now."

"Shhh…Listen, there must be a reason you left him for Matt. You love Matt, right?"

She nodded.

"Well, stick with him. We both know Matt wouldn't break into a house…" I laughed gently.

She smiled, "I know, but I miss the way he held me…"

I laughed, "But Adam didn't look at you like Matt does."

"I know…" A grin crept on her face, "I didn't look at Adam like I look at Matt. I do love him."

I patted her shoulder, "See, you just miss the good times you had with Adam. But there's lots of good times to be made with Matt. You just need time."

She rested her head on the tub, "Do you miss what's his face?"

I laughed, "Not very much right now. I have Jeff."

She laughed, "He really got mad because you were alone with Phil. He was talking to Matt about it."

I experienced a sudden change of mood.

I frowned, "What did he say?"

"That he didn't like how he acted around you, and he thinks that Phil has a thing for you."

I rolled my eyes, "He's stupid."

She laughed then struggled to her feet, "I'm gonna go spend some time with Matt."

I laughed, "Go ahead."

She left the room. I sank down into the bathtub, the water was warm. My eyelids dropped, then rose then dropped again. Soon I was fast asleep.

--

I opened my eyes, a folded piece of paper with words scratched on it lay in front of me. The water had long since turned cold and my skin was pruny.

I picked the paper up. It read: To Jessica Moore From Jeff Hardy. I smiled and unfolded it. The inside read:

_You're beautiful...but strange...So am I. You're smart...but still slow...So am I. You're impatient...but fast...So am I. You're tired...but still last...So do I. You're hot...but still cold...So am I. You're established...but not old...So am I. You're waiting...but happy...So am I. You're leaving...but staying...So am I. You're amazing...but weird...So am I. You're yourself...but still feared...So am I. We both want to be...A forever seen star. I have to say...a lot in common is what we are._

I wrapped a towel around me and went into the hotel room. Jeff was lying on his back asleep on the bed. I crawled onto the bed and straddled him.

He slowly opened his eyes, his hands immediately found their way to my hips.

He smiled, "Good morning."

I grinned and laid the paper down on his chest.

He looked down, "What's this?"

He picked it up and skimmed over the words, his face turned a light shade of pink.

I bent down and kissed him. He ran his hands over my towel.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"For what?" He asked.

"Showing me you care."

"I do care! I always have." He defended himself.

"Is that why you've left me alone two nights in a row without even telling me where you're gonna be?"

He rolled his eyes, "Don't even bring that up."

"Oh, I'm gonna bring it up." I said then got off of him and stood next to the bed.

"Stop being such a bitch, Jess."

"No, I'm not going through this again." I said then ran into the bathroom and barricaded myself inside.


	20. Walking At Night Alone

"Here's your money sir," Shannon said as he handed the hotel manager two hundred dollars.

He broke the bathroom door down. I tugged the robe around me more. Shannon's arm was like a magnet to my shoulders.

The manager left, Shannon looked down at me, he almost had tears in his eyes.

"Why did you do that?" He asked as he let go of me and sat down on the bed.

"I don't know…I'm sick of you guys leaving me alone. So when Jeff came in and I got his note I thanked him for showing he cared and he said 'I've always cared.' and I was like 'so that's why you leave me alone every night?' and he told me to stop being a bitch and I lost it. I don't want to go through things like I did with Ryan."

The mere mention of his name made my stomach turn. I hate him, I hate how he only shows up every now and then. It's like god slaps me in the face with my past. And he only shows up when I'm alone. Like he did a few weeks ago. Shannon only keeps him at the shop because he's a good artist.

Shannon sighed, "I understand and as much as I don't want you in a relationship period, I know Jeff won't hurt you. Adam hurt you, Jeff wouldn't hurt you for anything."

A tear rolled down my face, "He's hurting me now."

Shannon smiled, "It takes two people to be in a relationship. So if he's going out you have to go out too. You can't just ask him to stay in with you every night when he wants to go drink."

"Shannon, you know I don't drink."

"I know but you can go out without drinking."

I laughed, "Not around you guys."

Shannon laughed then hugged me, "I'm gonna go hang out with Matt and Jeff."

He left the room. I grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand and turned it on. 1 Missed call - Phil.

I smiled and hit his number on speed dial.

"Jess?" He answered.

"Were you expecting me to call?" I laughed.

I could hear the smile in his voice, "Yes, Matt told me about what happened last night. Are you okay?"

He sounded truly worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He sighed, "Good. What happened exactly?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, "Me and Jeff got in a fight and I locked myself in the bathroom."

He laughed, "No offense but that sounds really childish."

I smiled, "I know but it reminded me of a horrible relationship I was in. I had to get away from everyone."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault I dated an asshole and I'm currently dating a wonderful man. I'm just a little…"

"Not over your ex?" He finished my sentence for me.

"Not exactly. Ryan was overprotective, the story of my life, and he still doesn't want me to be alone. So when we dated he was always around me, he tried to fight anyone that wanted to be alone with me. Even Shannon couldn't be around me."

"I understand." Phil said.

"It was like that for so long I have a problem with being alone with Jeff. I don't know why it still bothers me like it did."

Phil sighed, "Maybe it's not because of Ryan, but you're just blaming him because you have intimacy issues."

"Thanks, Dr. Phil."

He laughed, "Clever."

I smiled, "Thanks."

_He doesn't give a damn about you, overrated boys and attention starved girls._

----

The room was starved of conversation. Jeff sat on one bed, I sat on the other. We spent the last hour stealing glances at each other.

I turned the TV on with one remote. Jeff turned it off with the other.

I tried again. Failed.

"Give me that remote!" I yelled, becoming aggravated.

He shook his head no.

"Yes!"

"Why do you always fight with me over remotes? Do you have control issues?" He asked, the expression on his face was priceless.

I frowned, "No!"

He laughed, "I'm joking, Jess."

I smiled.

"Come here." He held his arms open.

I crawled from my bed to his, he engulfed me in his arms. It felt like home.

"Don't ever do that again." He whispered.

"Never." I said, he smiled and my heart raced.

"Good."


	21. If It's Good For You It's Good For Me

We found our way into Florida, Adam's house was huge, I always remembered this house for it's video games, enormous pool and refrigerator stocked with every food I loved. Not to mention the killer stereo system.

Jeff laced his fingers with mine, I sighed heavily and knocked on the door. Steph sighed nervously.

A small, skinny pale woman answered the door.

"I'm guess you're Stephanie!" She said cheerfully.

Steph let out a sigh of relief, "That's me," She smiled. I knew it was killing her to do this.

"I'm Mel." The woman introduced herself.

"I'm Jess." I said, reaching my spare hand for her to shake. She smiled politely and pulled me in for a hug. I laughed and released Jeff's hand to hug her with both arms.

She let go of me and looked over at Jeff, "So this is the infamous Jeff Hardy Adam's told me so much about."

This woman was slowly winning her way with me. I like her.

Jeff smiled sheepishly and nodded his head.

"Come in! I guess you guys will want to see Adam. He's playing video games right now…" Mel trailed off as she led us into the house.

It was cleaner than ever, three golden retrievers surrounded us, their tails wagging. I smiled and patted their head's.

Jeff put his arm around my shoulders, he always makes me feel safe.

Mel led us into Adam's game 'office'. Kiss action figures lined the walls along with the numerous belt's he had.

"Baby? You have some visitors." Mel said. Adam's glance shot up from the television. He looked like he'd just been caught with his pants down.

"Steph?" He stuttered out.

Mel sighed, "I'll leave you guys alone." She excused herself from the room.

I sat down next to Adam and slung my arm over his shoulder. He looked at me and smiled.

"How are ya buddy?" I asked, my chin nestled on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." He said then hugged me.

I laughed, "No worries, I'd probably do the same if it was Jeff."

Adam smiled, "Everything's good now?"

I nodded my head yes.

"Why are you guys here? Sorry to be blunt." He said, a big smile on his face.

"I need a divorce." Steph said.

Adam's eyes became wide, "What?"

"I want a divorce." Her voice was more stern this time.

"Give me the fucking papers." He said angrily. Jeff's fists clenched at his sides.

I don't know what made me think we could come here and have a civilized conversation with him.

Steph threw the papers at him. He signed them as quick as possible.

"Get the fuck out of my house, you whore!" He yelled at Steph.

My eyes filled with tears, Jeff escorted Steph outside. I stopped in the doorway and looked back at Adam. He held his head in his hands, he looked like his world had just ended.

"Bye Adam." I whispered before running out to the car.

I don't want that kind of relationship. Steph **loved **Adam. Adam **loved **Steph. Steph **loves **Matt. Matt **loves **Steph. I **loved **Ryan. Ryan **loved **me. I **hate **Ryan. Ryan **scares **me. I **love **Jeff. Jeff **loves **me. Shannon **loves **his porn. Porn **loves **Shannon. It's a vicious cycle.


	22. There's a Sickness Inside You

Waking up alone when you fell asleep the opposite way is hell. I felt around the bed for Jeff. No one.

I got my cell phone from the nightstand. I blindly dialed Matt's cell phone.

"Mornin' sunshine." He answered cheerfully.

"Is Jeff there?" I barked.

"You guys fight too much." Matt said.

I groaned, "Let me talk to him."

He sighed, "Fine!"

"Good morning, love." Jeff said cheerfully.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

Jeff seemed taken back by my question, "You were asleep."

"But I want to spend time with you."

"Well! You were asleep! I can't wake you up when you're sleeping." He yelled.

"Just fucking tell everyone we're fighting!" I yelled back at him.

"I will! Stop being such a baby!"

I never said anything, my mind raced a million different ways. My voice softened and lowered a few decibels.

"I just wanted to spend time with you." I whispered.

He sighed, "We've spent all day together."

"I was asleep."

"No. I'm out with my friends." He said sternly.

"They're my friends too."

"Jess. I'm. OUT. With. MY. Friends."

"Fine. Stay out with your friends, I really don't care." I said then hung up and turned my phone off.

The room was completely silence, the silence that makes your ears ring and your heart ache.

I sat up in the bed and rested my back against the headboard.

There was a knock at the door, I sighed and rolled my eyes, "Who is it?!"

"Phil." He answered.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Come in!" I said excitedly.

"Jess…the door's locked."

"Sorry!" I laughed then ran to the door and let him in.

He held two huge Hardee's bags in his arms.

"Where is everybody?" He asked as he walked in, closing the door with his foot.

"**Jeff's** friends went out without me." I said as I grabbed a bag from Phil and sat down on the bed.

"What do you mean by **Jeff's** friends?" He asked, sitting down on the other bed, pouring the bag out beside him.

"We got in a fight. He's always hanging out with his friends, it's not that I don't want him to be with his friends." I unwrapped a biscuit and took a big bite, "I just want to know when he's gone and for him to at least want to spend time with me."

Phil sighed, "I don't know. Some times us guys just need time on our own. It's a male thing."

I smiled, "I asked him why he didn't wake me up and he said because I was sleeping. So I said I wanted to spend time with him and he started yelling."

"He's just being a prick right now…"

"No…I don't know he's been doing this lately. All the time they leave without saying jack shit to me."

Phil frowned, "I'll always be here."

I smiled and made a face at him.

"You bitch!" He faked shock and jumped at me, he tackled me backwards onto the bed.

I laughed, "You'll never catch meeee!!"

I wiggled away from him and ran across the room. He wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me backwards.

I slumped in his arms, "You caught me."

He laughed and kissed my forehead.

"Jeff doesn't tell me he loves me anymore. We've said it once…" I spaced out.

Phil sighed, "I don't know what's up with him."

"Me either."

I sat down on the bed and finished devouring my breakfast. I've got a bad feeling about tonight.

_I just wanted to say I'm sorry. _


	23. In Loving Memory

My coffee was turning cold by the time I heard from any of them. I sat in that café for hours.

Jeff walked into the small diner, his steps didn't sway and his speech didn't slur when he spoke to me.

"I miss you." Is all he said.

"Wow, you took time out of partying to miss me? I feel so special." I scoffed as I stirred my coffee.

He sat down in front of me and put his hand on mine.

"Don't act like this, Jess." He said. The effect his voice used to have on me was gone. No chill's, no weak knees, nervous stomach, nothing. He was my drug, my heroin, and now…he's lost his effect. Just like an addict I have to move on, find a new drug.

"Don't act like what? Like you don't want to spend time with me?!" I said, straining not to raise my voice.

He sighed, "I love you."

"You love me? Oh really? Is that why you never even said 'Honey, I'm gonna go out and have a few drinks, be back later. _I love you_'? And that's why you tell me that every night?"

I looked up at him, I'd never seen so much pain in someone's eyes.

"I'm sorry, baby." He said, his thumb caressing the back of my hand.

"I love you too, it's why this hurt so bad. You don't understand that I'm not like you. I don't have every guy around here saying how he wants to go hang out with me. I'm just Jessica, Shannon's little sister. That's all I'll ever be known as."

Jeff sighed, "That's not true."

"Bullshit!"

"Jess, don't be so difficult…you know I want you here."

"You have a really good way of showing it." I muttered under my breath.

"I can't fucking sit there all the time and fucking obsesses over every move you make!" he yelled, raising his arms above his head.

Luckily, like Shannon, I like to yell too.

"You haven't even fucking had a civilized conversation with me in two days!" I yelled.

A waitress walked over, her hair grayed and she looked like she'd worked there since she was twenty, "Excuse me, you kids are gonna have to take it somewhere else. You're disrupting this place."

Jeff rolled his eyes and stormed out of the café. He sat down on a bench in the hotel lobby.

I sat there, my thoughts raced through everything, how I missed them, how they abandoned me, how maybe I was starting to like Phil more than Jeff…

I lifted myself from my chair and went outside. I sat down beside Jeff. I put my hand on his knee and he put his hand on mine.

I sighed, tears fought their way to my eyes, "I can't make you smile anymore."

He looked at me, then down at our hands, then back at me again. He sighed heavily, "I can't do this without you."

I never said anything, he let go of my hand and walked away.

I've never felt farther away from him.

_Now in your eyes I can't find you._


	24. I'm A Danger To Myself

I didn't want to go to sleep, I wanted to stay up until I made everything okay. Until I didn't have issues with not seeing him…until I didn't love him, but it didn't work like that.

I went to Steph and Matt's room. Locked.

I went to Shannon's room. Locked.

So I went to my room.

Jeff was laying on the bed, sadly the only free spot was next to him.

I sat down and did my best to avoid touching him.

"I'm sorry." Jeff mumbled.

"What?"

"I was wrong to do what I did, Jess." He sat up.

"I just missed you," Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I missed you too…"

"Then why didn't you just come home?" I sniffled.

He sighed, "You want to hear the truth?"

I nodded, "I'd sure as hell like to hear something."

He smiled and rolled his eyes, "I'm afraid of hurting you."

"You're doing it right now."

"Sh! Let me finish!"

I chuckled, "Okay."

"I'm scared of hurting you like I've been hurt. I walk around you like you're made of glass. You're precious to me. I'll do everything and anything to keep you safe. Even if that means keeping you away from me."

"No, I'm safe right now. I love you. I'm not scared of getting hurt. And I trust that you're not going to hurt me."

He shook his head, "Don't say that."

I pulled my hand back and slapped him.

"Don't ever fucking say that you're a danger to me!" I yelled.

Jeff was nervous, his hands shook slightly and his face screamed I'm scared.

"I-I am."

"No you're not!"

"Yes."

I put my hands on his shoulder and pinned him against the bed. He groaned and ran his hands up my thigh's.

"Tell me who's a danger to who?"

"No one." He breathed out.

I grinned smugly, "That's what I thought."

He grabbed my shirt and pulled me down so that he could kiss me.

"God it's been so long." He whispered.

I smiled against his lips, "I know."


	25. Does Your Body Still Scream My Name?

It's been a long day. I rested my head against Jeff's shoulder and sighed. Shannon sat in front of me, Matt drove, Steph was crammed in the middle, as usual I sat in between Phil and Jeff.

"Yawn again and see what happens." Steph said to Matt. Her smile grew into a smirk.

"What are you gonna do?" He said, glancing at her then back at the road.

"Shove my fingers down your throat."

"I can make myself throw up without you."

"Bulimic!" Steph yelled, poking him in the stomach.

"No! All I have to do is look at Jess's ugly face." Matt said then made a face like a two year old makes when he made a bad mistake.

Jeff slapped him in the back of the head, "She's sexy and you know it."

Matt laughed, Steph pointed her finger at him, "Don't you answer that!"

I laughed and buried my face in Jeff's chest.

He laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

I like us.

---

"Hello ladies." Vince said as he passed us in the hallway.

"Good morning, sir?" I said, but it came out more like a question.

"I like that, good manners. Come see me if you ever need a job." He said then continued on his way.

I laughed and slapped Steph's arm.

"Bitch!" She yelled then grabbed my sides as hard as she could.

"Ah, god." I said then ducked behind her.

"Jess!" John Cena yelled, waving his arms around his head.

"Fuck." I muttered then put on a big fake smile and stood up.

"There you are, I've been looking for you."

"Oh really?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Steph clicked her tongue and pointed towards the locker room.

I nodded and she ran.

"Sure have," He ran his finger down my arm, like it was going to make me suddenly like him.


	26. You Caught Me Off Guard

Things start and things end, just like everyday. I'm sick of that feeling in the pit of my stomach. It makes me want to puke when I'm around him. I just turned around and tried to walk away. John put his arm around my shoulder.

I giggled hesitantly and kept on walking.

"Ah, fuck. I've got a slight boner." He said.

My face turned red and I looked away from him. My stomach turned in a bad way.

"Jess!" Jeff yelled.

I looked ahead to see Jeff running towards me. His face glowing.

"Come on!" He said then jerked me away from John.

I didn't think twice about following him.

_Sometimes you scrape and sink so low, I'm shocked at what you're capable of._

He pulled me into the locker room and pressed me against the door, his body against mine.

"What?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

He smiled, "I love you."

My face turned red.

He ran his hands up my arms.

"Is that flame there?" He asked, never breaking his gaze from my eyes.

I smiled, "Where?"

"You know what I mean…"

I nodded, "Yeah, why?"

"I…uh…well…" He stumbled over his words.

"What?"

"I want to marry you…"

"Why would you want to marry me?" I asked.

He laughed, "I love you!"

"What do you love about me?"

He smiled and backed away from me. I sat down on the floor, he sat on a bench in front of me.

"I hate the way you call me no matter where I'm at to yell at me for not spending time with you. I love how you want to wake up with me beside you. I hate the way you mumble when you first wake up. But I love how you'll do anything to make me smile."

I laid my head on his leg, he tangled his fingers in my hair.

"I'll marry you." I said sheepishly.

His face lit up and he tackled me onto the floor.

"I promise, I won't let you down." He said, then kissed me.


	27. Swaying To The Symphony Of Destruction

Phil sat across from me in the hospital, his fingers tapped nervously on his leg. The ceiling fan squeaked and the air conditioner didn't work properly causing it to be insanely hot.

_I'm a problem child and my momma hates me._

Shannon's iPod didn't even begin to cure the amount of boredom I suffered at this moment.

Phil kicked my foot, "Let's go get them some food. They're gonna be starved to death when they get back."

I nodded and stood up, stuffing the iPod in my back pocket.

"Matt and Jeff are pushing for you to be a diva. They're about to die over it." Phil said as we walked to the store beside the hospital.

I laughed, "I wonder why."

"They're going on a…thing soon. Meaning they can't take you with them."

I stopped walking, "What!"

He turned around and smiled weakly, "I'm sorry, Shannon wants you to go home with Matt. Steph already signed her contract and everything…"

"Fuck. Well, this is just great." I started walking again.

He smiled, "Yeah…maybe you should go home. I mean that way John Cena won't be trying to jump down your pants every time he see's you."

I laughed, "That's one good thing. I hate that mother fucker."

"Amen, sister." He faked a southern accent.

The store was empty, with the exception of employee's. Phil grabbed a grocery cart.

"No, " I laughed, " get a basket."

He smiled and got a plastic basket.

Early, early, early this morning Matt was complaining with his side hurting **really** so we took him to the hospital where his appendix ruptured. Steph, Jeff and Shannon went in the room with him, Phil and I were left for fend for ourselves.

An hour and fifty bucks later we emerged from the grocery store, food in hand.

"That dude back there was totally checking you out." Phil laughed, like a drunken idiot. Even though he wasn't drunk.

"Well, he can look all he wants. But he can't buy." I smiled.

"So you and Jeff are gonna be old hags together?" Phil asked, he swung his arms back and forth.

I nodded, "I love him."

Phil grinned, "I can tell."

_I'm gonna make up for lost times._


	28. Salvation Lies Within

Ashley and Cassandra smiled, their front door. My eyes glued to the ground.

"Look up sweetie!" Ashley chirped.

I looked up at her, Jeff's hand tightened around mine.

Her face was etched in happiness, so happy she didn't see the tears rolling down my face.

"What's wrong?!" Cassandra gasped. I immediately found myself ripped from Jeff and pulled into their arms.

I sighed, "I'm home."

They laughed, "Why are you sad?"

I sniffled and pulled away from them. Jeff wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me close to him.

"I have to leave him."

Ashley pushed her thick rimmed glasses up her nose and laughed, "He'll come back."

Jeff rubbed my shoulder, "Yeah, I'll come back."

I laughed.

"But I wont have you right now."

He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Shan's girl will keep you company. Promise, she's waiting for you at the house." 

I swallowed hard, "Shannon's girlfriends never like me. **Never.**"

Jeff laughed.

"If you wouldn't act like every girl was out to get his money, break up your family and kick you out of the house then maybe you would."

"Everyone of them are!" 

The house was silent. The door was locked. I could only hope she forgot where he lived and was patiently waiting for me at some other house.

Didn't happen.

"Oh. My. God." 


	29. Bittersweet Symphony

Shannon's girlfriend jumped out of his room, her arms wrapped around me. Her face lit up.

"I'm so glad you're here! I don't have to be alone anymore!" She squealed.

I laughed and patted her back, "Why are all the lights off?"

She released me and reached over, flicking the light on.

"I thought Shannon was coming home, so I was gonna surprise him. That's why I was like 'Oh. My God.'" She laughed a laugh that would make anybody smile.

I made my way to my room, lugging duffel bags and suitcases, "Oh, sorry to disappoint you."

"Pfft, I'd much rather spend some time with another chick. I'm sick and tired of Shannon right now." She followed me into my room.

I might actually like this girlfriend.

I smiled, "He's a handful."

"Good grief. Tell me about it, Shane's girl is supposed to be here soon. I told her they were coming home and she got all excited."

I nodded. Ah, Shane's girlfriend. Otherwise known as the biggest whore in Cameron. Her hair was long and straight, naturally, this made me hate her even more but I dealt with her.

"Jess! You fucking bitch! You left me!" Matt yelled from the living room.

I sighed and left my unpacking to be done later. I ran into the living room. Matt was dragging his bags and himself through the door. I grabbed his suitcases and left him to fend for himself.

Amanda put his arm over her shoulder and helped him to the couch.

He let his tired body collapse against the couch. I sighed and went back to my room.

It's a hard place to be when you know there's no hope for your heart because someone has it wrapped around their finger. You want it back, you want it to be **yours** and only yours. After all, it is **your** heart.

I let him keep it though. It's too late to do any panicking.

The escape is long gone.

It's like being stuck. I want my heart back from him but I don't want to lose him. Maybe friends with benefits is the best way to go. But I cant. I love him. LOVE him.

Not like.

Not lust.

Far from lust.

You know you love when it doesn't matter if he had no legs, four legs, or tentacles. If he weighted a million pounds with long shaggy blonde hair and acne or if he had a ugly face. But you'd love him anyways. Right there by his side.

I'm crazy over him.

Enough said.

I love the way he smiles. I love the way he fight's with me all the time but would die before he'd hurt me. I love the way Shannon hates how I love him. I love everything about it.

I hate the looks I get from people. I don't wear it on my sleeve that I have the infamous Jeff Hardy hanging off my arm and tripping over my words. It's not what I want to be known for. I want to be known as Jessica Moore the character.

The girl that's just as crazy as she looks.

The girl that will keep you guessing until the day she dies.

No matter what.

It may look like I'm ashamed of him. Hell no.

I'm not that kind of girl. I don't brag about my man. Never have. Never will.

He's my boyfriend. Not me. I don't have a reason to talk about him CONSTANTLY. If I want to talk about him…I will. Until then, you bring him up, I'll tell you all you want to know.


	30. We Are The Monsters Underneath Your Bed

Jeff called last night, it was quick. Phil was there with him. I think he's taken a liking to him. So have I. Matt can't stop talking about Steph. I'm gonna kill him soon.

Amanda's a hand-full. Enough said.

I wrestled with sleep, it's tough sleeping alone after countless nights of never being alone. I pulled the stuffed animal closer to my stomach, it didn't move like Jeff did. It didn't wrap it's arms around me or sigh and pull away. No movement.

"Wake up, lazy bum!" Amanda yelled then frog splashed the bed.

I groaned and rolled over, clutching my stomach.

"Get up. Seriously. We're going to RAW tonight, yo. Matt hooked us up." She said as she got up from the bed.

"Seriously!?" I said sitting straight up.

She cocked an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

I ran across the bed and jumped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

--

"Let's go, assholes!" Matt yelled from the front door.

I smiled and threw my bag over my shoulder.

"We're taking the hummer. I'm rollin' in style tonight. And I'm driving that son of a bitch." I said then grabbed the hummer keys.

"What ever man. My med's are kicking in, I'm sleeping all the way there." Matt added with a yawn.


	31. Leave Nothing

The med's just hyped him up. Unfortunately.

"These things are hectic backstage." He said, shaking his head like it was the most honest thing he'd ever said.

Which was a lie. It was pretty hectic but everyone knew their place and it worked.

"I know…I've been at these things several times."

Amanda bit her nails furiously.

I patted her back and locked my arm with hers. Matt led us to the dressing rooms.

"Jess?"

I turned around, Jeff was standing behind me. A big grin on his face.

I smiled sheepishly.

"What are you doin' here?" He asked.

It felt like it did when we first met. Like we were afraid to touch each other because we knew the effect we had. It was like heroin, like he told me. The touch of his skin on mine or the way he whispered in my ear made me weak at the knees. Literally.

"Matt drug us here."

He smiled and took a step closer to me.

"I'm glad."

I nodded.

"It's a joyous occasion!" He said happily. Which made me laugh.

"Dork." I replied.

"Am not."

I lowered my eyes, "Yes you are."

"I know, but you love it." He said with a big smile plastered on his face.

I nodded.

"Sure do!"

Its like an addiction, me and him. It's like I know he's bad for me. I know I'm good for him. Which helps me stay with him…but without a shadow of a doubt I love him. If this isn't love what is?


	32. Kiss, Kiss

My back rammed into the wall, Jeff's hands worked furiously at the hem of my shirt to pull it over my head.

"Stop." I breathed out.

"Why?"

"Just stop, please." I said as I pushed his hands away from me.

He gave me a confused look.

"I'm scared."

He sighed and put his hand on my back, "There's nothing to be scared of."

I shook my head, "Yes there is."

"You kill me." He yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

"Why?" My voice became soft and quiet like a scolded child.

"One minute you're like 'oh, I love you so much.' and the next you're like 'shut up you fag'. You're confusing me. I don't know where you're coming from. Do you love me or not?"

I nodded, tears fell down my cheeks but he never stopped. Like it was something he'd had on his mind for a long time and needed to spit it out.

"Well, trust me."

"It's easy to trust you when I'm blinded."

He sighed and sat down on the bed, "Blinded by what, baby?"

"Your hot." I said flatly.

He laughed, "That's what I've been told."

"I know, that's the point. I worry that the only reason I act like I do is because you're gorgeous and not because I love you or I love who you are. But because I love the way you look."

"Jess," He sighed.

"Jeff…I'm not giving you my virginity until I know you're the only one."

He smiled softly, "I understand. I really do."

My eyes lit up and I wrapped my arms around him.

He kissed the top of my head.

"I love you for you. Even if you don't love me." He whispered.

Something in me, at that moment told me that everything I thought I knew about love was wrong. I hate the way he says 'I love you'. I hate it. It sounds like it's plastic. Like he doesn't mean it.


	33. Broken Man

I piled Shannon's clothes back into his bag, just like he'd ordered.

Stephanie sat planted on her ass in front of the TV screaming at smack down vs. raw.

"Chris Jericho get the fuck off the fucking ladder!!" She yelled.

I snickered under my breath.

"Sissy! Do you want me to come over there and knock the fuck out of you?!" She yelled.

I shook my head no.

"That's what I thought."

I sat down and waited for the boys to get back.

We're leaving tonight, Shannon's coming back home. Sometimes I wonder if it's enough to have three good friends and the rest of my friendships come from family.

But family is important.

My family is everything.

Shannon means the world to me. Honestly, without him I would be dead…one way or another.

_I jumped up from the couch as my dad staggered through the door. _

"_Daddy, you need me to help you?" I asked._

_He shook his head no and continued on his route to the couch. Final destination._

_I raced into Shannon's room, "Bub…Shan…SHANNON!!" I yelled._

_He turned around after me yelling at him for five minutes he finally noticed me._

"_What?"_

_I fiddled with my fingers, fighting temptation to bite the nail off, "Can I sleep with you tonight?" ._

_He gave me a smirk._

"_You scared dad will try something?"_

_I nodded. Our fight from the previous night left me shaking in my boots. I know this man._

_He sighed._

"_Yeah, but you're sleeping in the front."_

_I smiled and hugged him._

"_Thanks."_

_He nodded in acknowledgement._

_He crawled in the bed and I laid down in front of him._

_Sleep consumed me…and Shannon. His snores filled the room. The noise was comforting to me._

_Somewhere between sleep and morning my body found itself being dragged from the bed. I looked up to see my father. My very own flesh and blood dragging me into the living room._

"_Shannon!" I yelled as I gripped the carpet with my loose hand. _

_He came running out of the room, his eyes still sleepy. His fist collided with my father's jaw._

"_You pieces of shit. You worthless, no good, piece of shit!" He yelled as he stormed through the house looking in every room for something most likely leading to my downfall._

_Shannon pulled me up and gripped my hand in his, knowing we'd probably have to run._

_You know how they say the sound of a bullet sliding into the barrel of a gun is the most intimidating noise you'll ever hear? It's true._

_Shannon pushed me out the front door and locked it from the inside._

_The screaming and the blast of that gun is a blur to me. It happened._

But there's a secret about that night that no one knows. But me and Shannon.


	34. It's All In My Head

With a smile and a gun…

_"You wouldn't..."_

Shannon patted my back and flashed me a kind smile, for the first time in a long time.

"What?" I laughed. Enjoying the kind gesture.

"Nothing, let's go." He said then went to lead me away but I dug my heels into the ground. I went back to Jeff and hugged him one last time.

Sue me for just leaving him with two hugs and equal in kisses. But I'm not much on PDA.

Shannon grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the car. Unlike most romantic stories I didn't stare at him as my sister dragged me away, I stared in the direction I was being pulled.

_My hearts broke but I got some glue._

We got in the car and it was silent.

Amanda sighed and laid her hand on Shannon's leg. He wrapped his arms around her. They love each other. The shameless kind of love.

Not the love that I enjoy. Sometimes I wonder if I am ashamed of Jeff. Maybe I honestly am. Because of his tacky fashion choices or his annoying random dancing. Not to mention how he hardly talks. Unlike Matt who CONSTANTLY talks. Which annoys me too.

Just shut up.

Unfortunately, I have to put up with the rabid talking. All the way home.

"You guys…I think…I need…TO SLEEP!" Matt yelled then began laughing hysterically.

I rolled my eyes and my grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"Then fucking go to sleep." I said, a fake annoyed smile on my face.

He spat out an annoyed laugh then laid his head on the window, silence.


	35. It's Average

Oh, Myspace. How I love thee Myspace. A lovely place with hooks to hang all your thoughts on, to rest your weary mind in other people's lives. Famous, infamous, undiscovered. But important, nonetheless.

New categories?

What the hell are these?

I clicked on the link, it took me to a page with four groups: fun people, best friends and two that I really didn't understand. But I liked it.

People actually think of me enough to put me in a category. Good or bad?

But in light of the recent news: I'm fun! I raced down the hall to Shannon's room. Matt was sitting on the bed, laptop resting in his lap.

"Matt." I laughed.

He looked at me, the expression on his face fell completely blank. 100.

I laughed but somehow found the composure to speak, "Matt, someone said I was fun!!"

He held the expression a few seconds longer then smiled, "I know."

"Uh, how?" I asked, completely disappointed that he knew the information that made me excited to the core.

"I am the one who put you in there." He stated like it was common knowledge.

I smiled and clasped my hands together, hunching my shoulders close to my ears to accentuate the fact that I thought it was sweet.

Matt's an enigma. They can market and trademark Jeff as the 'enigma' he's like an open book to me. But Matt? He confuses me.

Maybe the normality of him sends my brain in a quest for the root of that. Why would he like normal things, maybe in the insane, untried world of wrestling he looks for a common interest with the rest of the world. That common ground would be Myspace. Taking endless picture of himself with cups, and people he hardly knows to downloading every Pearl Jam song ever created. It's a world of insanity yet more organized than a victim of Obsessive Compulsive disorder. Is that okay?


	36. Theres Nothing Here To Take For Granted

It's a short trip between years, days fly by and in the blink of an eye you're a mile from where you thought you ever would be.

The more hotels I see the more I find them strangely like home. No matter where you find yourself there's always tacky wallpaper and a tourist with a farmers tan.

Jeff yawned and laid down on the bed. His body hit the bed like a ton of bricks, it's a hard fall from tired to exhausted.

"Lay with me?" He asked. I shook my head no and stood up from the bed.

To take these years in a small dose we've had our fair share of fights. I learned (the hard way) if the first thing you get isn't the last thing you want to lose. Leave it.

I've found a better place to rest my head.

Jeff took sleep with a ready hand.

My heart raced, that serenity isn't that hard to achieve.

A soft knock at the door saved this relationship, all these years. I walked as fast as possible, disturbing the carpet fibers just enough to create a smooth padding noise. Noise nonetheless.

The door squeaked open and a tall male stepped through the door. His frame, my security.

His eyes filled with a look I've seen so many times before. I just smiled and let him lead me through the door.

While the ways out I've chosen are short of orthodox it's a solution either way. On the other side of the tracks I have to sleep with what I've done, beside the man I've done it to.

Shannon passed me in the hallway, his eyes glazed from lack of sleep. He threw his hand up and kept on his route, never paying a second glance to what I'm doing.

Serves me right.

Try a smoother voice and a more desperate glance, try to get out of this one.

"Jess?" I knew every crack in that voice, every tear that would soon accompany…was well deserved.

I let go of Phil and turned around.

"Jeff…" I whispered.

He sighed, "I knew it."

If those would be the last words I ever heard from him it would be the words to shut me up.

"I'm sorry."

How can you just say two words to make something okay. They're words, words aren't louder than actions, anyone can speak words. Anyone. When Shannon shot my dad those three words he said didn't mean shit. Words are nothing. Words are just sounds emitted from your voice box. Everyone has a voice box, not everyone can make a motion to act upon a innuendo and change the hard waters into easy sailing.


	37. If Heaven and Hell Decide

This was it. The final straw. The last revelation I'll ever have about my love life.

The elevator made a happy noise as it opened slowly. I saw him, pacing the floor outside the elevators. I tried to smile my prettiest.

I stepped out and his face lit up and soon his tattooed arms were wrapped around my waist.

"It's nice to see you again." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled, "Nice to see you."

He wrapped his hand around mine and led me down the hall.

"I asked for a room to myself so I could be with you." He winked at me.

I giggled.

Politely he opened the door for me, I walked in, he followed me in and locked the door behind me.

_Tell me where did you sleep last night._

He pushed me onto the bed, he laid on me and kissed me with a hunger I've never felt.

"You don't know," He breathed heavily in my ear, "How long it's been since…"

I felt his beard graze my neck…Jeff used to do that.

He ran his hand down my stomach…He used to do that too.

A sick feeling rose in my stomach. This isn't right.

"Phil?" I asked, he never stopped. His hands still worked at the hem of my shirt.

"Phil…" He still never stopped.

"Stop it!" I yelled as I pushed him off of me.

Believe it or not, I was crying. As heartless as you may think I am at this point…

I stormed out of the room.

"Jess! Wait!" He called after me.

But I never stopped, I ran down the staircase and into the front lobby.

Shannon was waiting at the doors.

He turned and looked at me, the look on his face oozed disappointment. I cried harder. Shannon walked to me and put his hand on my back.

"I'm disappointed in you, Jess." He whispered.

Matt gave me an look that could have put the million dollar man on his back, it could have made Evil Knievel want to turn around and go home. So you can imagine what it did to me.

When I said this would be the last revelation I ever had about my love life. I lied.

"Shannon!" I yelled with a hint of excitement on my voice.

"What?"

"Can I go home?" I pleaded.

"Why?" He asked, horribly confused.

"Come over here," I whispered and led him away from the group.

"Jeff's going home isn't he?"

Shannon nodded his head yes.

"Well! I can surprise him!"

"With what? The fact that you just cheated on him? Oh, I'm sure you will surprise him." He tied a sarcastic tone to his voice.

"I didn't cheat on him!"

"You…Jess…went into the room…with him…Phil and performed sexual acts…that qualified for cheating…you know, **adultery**."

Tears flooded my vision again.

"Shannon, I swear I didn't." I said sincerely.

"Yeah, whatever. Here's your money get home. I don't want to look at you." He said as he pulled a wad of money out of his pocket. He grabbed my hand and slapped the money in it. He gave me a disgusted look, then walked away.


	38. Summer Skin

If there's a rumor floating around that I've been cheating on Jeff. It's a lie, simply a dream swelled out of proportion. Unfortunately not without reason.

Admit it: I've thought about it.

Everyone has.

There's always someone better looking, smarter and such as we think. 

I don't know why. But the question is; are we willing to make the jump?

I'm not. I love my life, I love him. He's my philosopher, my roots, my good morning. And I wouldn't be without him, I wouldn't be me. I'd be like an insect; completely missing a brain simply a mess of nerves, interacting but no conscious thinking.

I rolled over in the empty bed. It's a hard feeling when you're waiting to feel warmth but it's not there. I threw the blankets back and laid there.

Three AM. No Jeff.

Four AM. He wasn't there either.

Five AM. Nope.

Six AM. M.I.A.

Four hours of waiting and I was sick of it. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.

These walls need painted, but I didn't have the heart to. They echoed our story. The epic saga of love lost, earned and stolen. I wandered into the kitchen.

Not a second too late.

I almost wish I wouldn't have seen it. I wish it could have been behind my back. I could have went my entire life without seeing it. It would have been a million times better than watching the love of my life walk into my house, MY house with another woman.

"Jess?" He said, his voice screamed; 'I wish you wouldn't have seen this.'

"Don't." I said, holding up my hand.

"J-" 

"Don't you even try to explain."

Before he could think I was in my bedroom piling clothes into my bag.

He ran after me, leaving his 'baggage' at the door.

"Jessie baby!" he chased me out of the house.

"Jeff! Fucking shut up, if you could realize anything right now it should be that you're not doing any good trying to stop me!" I yelled.

"Please, baby, just stop." He pleaded.

I threw my bags down in one enormous huff of anger.

I crossed my arms over my chest, and cocked my hip, "Fine, you've got two minutes, explain."

"I thought you were cheating on me. So I…"

"You thought exactly. You assumed, you didn't know. Because if you did then you would know I didn't. Even thought it was possibly the most tempting thing I've ever had to deal with. Due to the fact that you were treating me like shit. Next time you'll know. Won't you?"

I picked up my bags and threw them in the back of Shannon's hummer.

I searched my pockets for the keys, "Fuck!"

Forgot.

I ran back into the house with Jeff chasing me, on my heels.

He wrapped one strong arm around my waist as I tried to open the door. I had one hand around the handle on the door and I quickly wrapped the other around it too.

I looked over, the lady Jeff walked in with was standing there. Watching.

"Let me go!" I screamed at Jeff.

He lever budged.

"Fine." I said then kicked swiftly backwards and caught him right in the gonads.

"Shit!" He said then dropped me, he hit the ground right when I did. I jumped up and dusted the dried grass off of me.

I looked at her. She wasn't ugly. But she wasn't pretty either. Why would he want someone else…I guess I should ask myself the same question.

"Are you serious?" I asked, a cocky smirk rose on my face.

"What?" She said, obviously offended,

"Do you seriously think that he's gonna go right after a fight with his fiancé and want to fuck you?"

She scoffed, "Well, considering he apparently needed something more…most likely because you weren't enough."

"You fucking bitch. You don't know who you're fucking with. You seriously want to fight a pro wrestler? Have you ever seen someone come flying at you from twenty feet in the air and just lay there? I highly doubt it, so you may want to take your pansy ass back to the truck stop and get some dick there cause you're not getting any here."

"_You're_ a pro wrestler?" She asked like she thought I was lying.

"Hell yeah I am. And you're about this," I held my thumb and pointer finger close together to show just how close she was, "close to pissing my off to no end. You'd better walk your slutty ass over to your car, get in and leave before I snap."

She took heed to my warning and did just as I said.

Jeff was up off of the ground by now. He strutted over to me and smiled cockily.

"That was hot…you know you defen--" He never finished his sentence.

My fist collided with his face.


	39. Somewhere Out There

_Last time I talked to you, you were lonely and out of place, you were looking down on me, lost out in space._

The only think I can think as I drive away, watching him hit his knees, crying, screaming in defeat, is that I'm going to miss him.

I drove until I was out of sight or I drove until I couldn't see for the tears in my eyes. I never thought that I would be the one leaving. I always expected to be the one on their knees begging.

"Why?!" I sobbed as I slammed my hands against the steering wheel.

I groped around in my bag for my cell phone.

I found Jeff's, his wallpaper was a picture of me and him from thanksgiving. It was a goofy smile…

_I'll miss your purple hair, I'll miss the way you taste._

I dialed Shannon's number, I counted every single ring. Five of them.

"Jeff! Man! You got to go home! Jess is---" He said, in the biggest 'bro' mood ever.

"Shannon, it's me." I said fighting back tears, knowing my own brother would lie.

"Jess?! Why are you answering Jeff's phone."

"Because!" I screamed.

"God almighty help me! What's wrong with you?"

"He cheated on me. Because he thought I was cheating on him. I'm sick of it. I'm done with it. I left him, sitting there crying in our front yard." I cried.

"Baby,"

"No, Shannon. Don't even start. I want to leave, I want to go away, I want to go far away. I just…" I sighed hard, "I want to go somewhere. Somewhere so I can forget him." I cried softly.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"Parked."

"You drove?!" He yelled, worriedly.

"Yes, I drove. I wanted to leave so bad I would have strapped my duffel bag to my back and ran to the airport."

"Well, just wait on me." He sighed.

"Can I crack a window?" I asked politely.

He laughed, "Of course sweetie."

"Bye bubby."

"Bye bye, Jessie."

"I love you, Shan'"

I could hear a smile in his voice, "I love you too."

I hung up the phone and threw it out the window.


End file.
